10 Reasons to See Wedding Crashers

• Vince Vaughn is in it.
• Vince Vaughn eats, a lot!
• Vince Vaughn is in it.
• Vince Vaughn dances.
• Vince Vaughn is in it.
• Vince Vaughn plays touch football.
• Vince Vaughn is in it.
• Vince Vaughn gets raped.
• Vince Vaughn is in it.
• Vince Vaughn is in it.

Poker? I hardly Know Her!

Last night’s home game reaffirmed the fact that I just do not have any luck. Seriously. Texas Hold’em is about 40% skill, 60% luck. Well, I take that back, it’s about 40% skill, 110% luck.

There were 12 people last night, an awesome turnout. We had two tables and I was put at the smaller “kiddy” table. I was up against Dealer Mike who won both home games last month and as his name denotes, he’s a professional dealer. Next to Dealer Mike was a new girl Tana. Next to Tana was Jodi, a girl from my office whom I invited (this will come back to haunt me later in the evening). Next to Jodi was Chris who had been at our meetings once or twice before, and was completely cute and totally married. Sigh….

It was a $5 buy in and two optional re-buys of $5.

I started out kicking ass. Every hand I got was awesome. Even when the starting hand wasn’t that great I managed to make something out of it with the flop. I even managed to bust out Dealer Mike, which was a silent victory for me.

I played good, solid poker. I knew when to get out of a hand and I knew when to raise when I thought I had the best hand.

But I was up against damn beginner’s luck. I truly believe there is such a thing. I’ve seen it first-hand too many times to disregard it.

Jodi would call anything. It didn’t matter how much someone raised or re-raised. It actually knocked her out early in the game so she used one of her rebuys.

She was able to get a lot of money out of me just by hanging out with crap hands and sucking it out at the river. It was her constantly recalling that made it so difficult to know if she actually had anything. My final hand was when I started with pocket aces. I fucking hate poket aces. I played it by the book though, I raised before the flop, on the turn, on fourth street and when the river brought a third Ace I raised again. Unfortunately that third Ace was a club and gave Jodi her flush.

But looking at the flop there was absolutely no reason for her to stay in with the cards she had. The clubs didn’t come ‘til fourth street and the river. She didn’t even have a pair, straight draw or even a freakin’ face card!

I was livid! Now I truly know how those old geezers at Commerce felt when I would go all-in with A2 off suit with three over cards showing, then make a pair on the river. I would hate me too.

My only consolation is that Jodi went on to take second place overall. I’m glad I was able to contribute to the victory.

But I don’t know if I’ll invite her to the next home game….nah I will. Her beginner’s luck is officially over.

My Invite Was lost in the Mail

I know I’m well behind the curve, but I’ve become addicted to MySpace.com. It was totally unintentional and can only lead to bad things.

For the other two people on the planet who don’t know what MySpace is, it’s an online community that lets you meet people and meet friends of those people. You can set up your own weblog and add pictures and a bunch of other stuff.

I set up a MySpace account forever ago, just ‘cause you have to be signed up to even look around on the site. I didn’t upload any pictures or even write anything about myself.

So when I got an e-mail saying my old roommate Chad wanted to add me to his “friends” list on MySpace I went to check it out.

I ended up spending most of the night adding pictures and filling out my profile. Then I saw that you could invite people from your address book to your friends list. I was surprised that nearly 40 of the people in my address book have MySpace accounts. I was even more surprised to find out that they were pretty active on MySpace, and they all had like 100 friends on their list. Even my cousin has an account! And not a one of them had even mentioned MySpace to me. It’s like finding out there’s a 24-hour party going on and I had never been invited. How sad.

So now I’m obsessed with getting more people added to MySpace group. I keep logging on to find out if anyone else had added me to their friend list.

This can’t be a good addiction to start. Just yesterday I had to uninstall Partypoker.com, put a block on my porn channels and lock up my booze. I can’t handle anything more. That being said, if you have a MySpace account, ADD ME!!!!!

Under the Radar?

Did anyone hear about this movie Stealth? It opened this weekend but I hadn’t heard a thing about it. You would think they would do some advertising for it, seeing as Jamie Foxx and Jessica Biel are in it.

I wish I had known about it sooner I would have set some time aside to see it.

The Guy from Apt. #631

I finally met the source of the noise coming from next door: my new neighbor. I was so surprised to see him at my front door that I didn’t catch his name. It wasn’t that I was caught off guard; it’s that he appeared, shirtless, and it wasn’t a pretty site. The dude had a bigger rack than I have!

He seems like a nice enough fellow. He was asking me about my air conditioner. I’m the only one on the second floor with A/C and his son is going to install a wall unit for him.

His son was a smaller version of him, but not by much. The saddest part was that he was sporting one of those Michael Jordan silhouette tattoos. You know, like that guy on Dog the Bounty Hunter. I wonder when the guy (and the guy from The Bounty Hunter) first regretted that tattoo choice. I went into a tattoo parlor when I was in college and there was a guy getting a tattoo of Taz, from Looney Toons, holding two mugs of beer. What a dumb ass.

That's the reason I never got a tat, not 'cause I was scared of the pain, but because I couldn't think of anything I liked enough that I would want it on my body for the rest of my life.

That’s not where I was planning on going with this post, but oh well. I got nothing else. Jazz hands!

Ben Affleck....

... ruins everything!!!

Timber!

If a tree falls in the forest and there is nobody around to hear it does it make a sound?

Here’s a better question… If a bitter, shriveled up, sexless old hag tells someone that I’m not that funny, does that mean that when I chloroform her, throw her brittle old body into the trunk of my Saturn and take her out into the forest, my bat won’t make a sound when it connects with her fat, head?

Discuss...

Weekend Recap

Things I should have Done This Weekend

• Called my mom back
• Did laundry
• Washed the car
• Gone to the gym
• Done some writing

Things I Did This Weekend

• Took five naps
• Played four hours of poker
• Drank an entire case of Diet Cherry Pepsi
• Watched the Good Times marathon on TV Land
• Wrote a bunch of checks my butt can't cash

Summary of my Commerce Tournament Life

• Nearly attacked in the Commerce Casino parking lot by some creepy, homeless man trying to talk me into buying this piece of shit bracelet.
• Stood around for an hour talking to dumb ass guys.
• Tournament was supposed to start at 8 p.m. It didn’t start ‘til 9.
• Played way to conservative. Should have raised more. Chickened out when I was raised. Often had the best hand.
• Sat next to Norm McDonald’s producer of some sort. She was nice
• Met Sam Simon, one of the creators of the Simpsons. He’s cute.
• Bumped into Norm McDonald, literally (his fault). The guy looked scruffy. He could have at least showered for the tournament.
• Got anted down to nothing. (Unlike the phrase blinded-down where I lost all my money with the $200-400 blinds, I lost most of my money having to put in $50 every hand.
• Finally went all-in with a J2 of spades against a guy with QK, and two Qs came on the river. The time, 10:30 p.m.
• Consoled myself with a Taco Bell Crunch Wrap Supreme. Soul still empty.
  

Final thought: I have to open up my game more. I’m more comfortable with Limit Hold’em and it showed. I did better than about half the room, but not as good as last year. I think I wear too much pink. I miss Steckler.

Glory Days

Alanis Morissette has released an acoustic version of her hit selling album, Jagged Little Pill to celebrate the 10th anniversary of its original release.

Ten freakin’ years ago. Ten Years! That album was the anthem of my entire first year at Iowa State. My roommate and I played that CD constantly. Half the girls on our floor would sit around (when we should have been studying) listening to Head Over Feet. We’d drive around town blaring Ironic in the CD player. We’d quote the lyrics to You Oughta Know in the cafeteria. We drunkenly grind with guys in the basement of the Pi Kap house to Hand in My Pocket.

I remember it like it was literally a week ago, yet it was ten years. How can time go by that quickly? How can one album kick so much ass?

It’s been awhile since I pulled out my worn copy of Jagged Little Pill. I think I’ll do that as I balance my checkbook this evening.

Boy have times changed.

Stalking Permit Revoked

I can’t believe it. I missed Maria Bamford at Martini Blues.

I rechecked her website and the show was on SUNDAY! How could I confuse Sunday with Wednesday? The days don’t even sound alike.

But why would I have picked Wednesday out of the air like that? My only guess is that it was wrong on her website…yeah, that’s the ticket.

That’s her last show around here for awhile. I can’t believe I missed her.
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!

This Bitch Hauls Ass

I was driving to work this morning and ended up at a light behind a Saturn. It was an older Saturn than mine, most likely a 1997 based on the color. Anyone who owns or has shopped for a Saturn knows that they often only make certain models in certain colors, and I don’t recall gold being too popular a color recently. It was a coop like mine, but not nearly as cool as it didn’t have the ‘super-secret third door.’

On the back window of the car the woman had put a sticker that read, “This Bitch Hauls Ass.” I knew it was a woman driver, because no straight man would drive a Saturn coop, and because I could see her big-ass pony tail.

There are so many things wrong with the sticker, but I won’t turn this into a novel. The most worthy of note is the fact that she would actually put it on her car to begin with. I mean, come on White Trash Wanda, couldn’t you find a respectable Calvin peeing on Hobbes to use instead?

But also, it’s too ambiguous. Does the sticker refer to the car or the driver? Does it mean that the car is really, super-duper fast, or just that the driver has a large butt? It left me confused and angry at not having answers.

But what I found most troublesome with the sticker was that no Saturn has ever, in the history of Saturn-kind, been accused of being able to “haul-ass.” My car goes from 0-60 in about 5 minutes. And don’t even get me started on pick up. Going up even the smallest of grades takes the sauce out of my car. On that stretch of freeway passed the Getty Center on the 405N I will get spanked by every auto on the road, even those little white trucks piled with gardening supplies. And to even get it over the little hills I have to make sure my air conditioning and radio are off, so that all my car’s energy are at work to move it forward.

So, unless the chick in the Saturn was being facetious, or even sarcastic, I have to say to her “BOOOOOOOOOO”

Game On!

From: "KLSX Promotions"
To: "Leana, the Poker Goddess"
Subject: Congrats! You have won 1 Spot into the Conway & Whitman Poker Tourney!
Date: Tue, 19 Jul 2005 20:41:55 -0400

Congratulations,

You have won one entry into the 'Conway and Whitman Texas Hold Em' Poker Tournament', this Thursday, July 21st at the Commerce Casino. This is a no-buy in event, so that means its free. The doors open at 6:00 PM, please go to the second floor main ball room, so you can register, table assignments and get your poker face together. The tournament starts at 8:00 PM, along with Conway and Whitman's live broadcast. MUST BE 21 or Older to play.

The tournament has a $6000 prize pool, the first place winner will get to go to the Cal State Poker Championship event. The second place winner gets an entry into the WPT Boot camp, at Commerce Casino, valued at $1,500.

Good luck!
And Thanks for listening to the Conway & Whitman Show on 97.1 KLSX The FM Talk Station and Thanks for playing at Commerce Casino

He's My Cherry Pie! Mmmmm Pie....

I’m obsessed with Jani Lane from Warrant. I know, I know, I’m about 15 years behind the curve, but that’s how I’ve always been. I’m just now getting into New Kids on the Block. Mmmm Joey Mc....

I was never a fan of hair bands back in the day. Don’t get me wrong, I dug me some G-n-R and Bon Jovi, but that’s about as far as it went. I just didn’t think it was right for guys to have prettier hair then me. And I though Warrant was just lame. Not as lame as Winger, but definitely in the same lame-sphere.

But I’ve been watching Celebrity Fit Club 2 and he’s on there with a bunch of other ‘celebrities.’ They interviewed him and he was the most open about his feelings (chicks dig guys who can share their feeeeelings. But don't cry too much, that's weak). He was extremely open about his weight gain and how he’s been really unhappy with his body for a long time. There was something so honest about what he was saying. I really felt for the guy.

Jani looks like he has the least to lose of everyone on the show. I’m not even sure why he’s on there, except for his little belly, but I could help him lose that in no time, if you knooooow what I mean…yeah, that’s right baby....

....100 crunches a night and 45 minutes of cardio three days a week, paired with a diet high in protein and low in fat, I have no doubt I could get Jani back down to his rockin’ weight.

That and all the kinky sex we’d have.

Hubba Hubba. Jani call me!!!!

I Want That Hour Back

I stayed up late last night to watch the premiere of the Pauly Shore show, Minding the Store.

I can’t say I went in with an open mind, ‘cause I am not a Paul Shore fan. I’m not much of a fan of the Comedy Store either. That place has chewed me up and spit me out with countless bringer shows in the Belly Room. Ugh.

But I wanted to see what Pauly would do with the show, and see exactly what goes into running the Comedy Store.

It was a valiant attempt on Pauly’s end. I can see where he’s trying to go but it just isn’t working. The first scene had Pauly’s V.O. “I was on my way to an audition, but my mom wants me to run the Comedy Store.” Wha???? You can’t do both? The Comedy Store’s been standing for 30 years and it can’t wait another two hours for you to go blow an audition?

Setting up his motley crew of friends fell short too. They really needed to have captions running below the person or at least V.O. the person’s name. His sister was in a scene and they didn’t even acknowledge that it was his sister. And who were those comics helping those chicks work on their material? That would have been nice to know.

And I’m not going to go into the whole premise of the first episode: that there are no hot female comedians. In some ways I think it’s true. Hot chicks don’t need to be funny, they can just be hot. In some ways I’m glad I didn’t become hot ‘til my early adulthood. That way I was able to hone my brilliant comedic skills and not rely on my forthcoming hotness.

That episode really did point out the randomness of getting booked at the Comedy Store. Back when Mitzy was in her heyday, she would only put people up that were truly funny, or who she had a good feeling about. Now it’s about being best buddies with the booker or being willing to bring 40 of your closest friends to pay a $15 cover and drink a $10 Cosmo to come see you do 7 minutes. It’s really sad.

I was, however, excited that I recognized five of the comics featured on the show. I think I might have made out with one of them. All those Cosmos, it’s a blur.

What Happened to All My Toast?

Ah Sunday night. The weekend is pretty much over. The sun has set on another two days off. Stick a fork in it, it’s done!

Not my most productive weekend. I didn’t find the cure for Cancer or even the source of the smell coming from the kitchen. But it wasn’t all for not. I did play a lot of exciting poker, caught up on an entire weeks worth of All My Children on the Soap Network and booked several shows for August which I will make sure to get up on my blog and Upcoming Gigs page as soon as I get around to it.

I think that’s what’s going to be on my tombstone: Here Lies Leana. She Was About to Get Around to it.

We’ll see. For now it’s time to wrap up the weekend in true Leana Fashion: a tall, cold class of diet Mountain Dew Code Red in front of a roaring television.

Survey Says….

Name: Leana
Birthdate: 1/30/76
Birthplace: Des Moines, IA
Current Location: Long Beach, CA
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Red (right now)
Height: 5'7"
Piercings: Two in each ear, but I don't wear earrings anymore.
Tatoos: Nope
Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Nope
Overused Phrase: "suck it" "you don't know me" and "kill me now"

FAVORITES
Food: mmmmm.....cheese
Candy: Peppermint patties/tootsie rolls
Number: 27
Color: Pink
Animal: Wiener dogs!
Drink: Diet mountain dew code red
Alcohol Drink: Amaretto sour
Bagel: Onion
Letter: (r u serious?) L
Body Part on Opposite sex: mmmm....eyes

This or That
Pepsi or Coke: Regular coke more than pepsi, but diet pepsi over diet coke. Go figure
McDonalds or Burger King: McDs
Strawberry or Watermelon: Strawberry
Hot tea or Ice tea: Iced
Chocolate or Vanilla Chocolate
Hot Chocolate or Coffee: Coffee
Kiss or Hug: mmmm...depends on the person on the other end.
Dog or Cat: Dog
Rap or Punk: Rap
Summer or Winter: Winter
Scary Movies or Funny Movies: Funny
Love or Money: mmmm...money

YOUR...
Bedtime: 10ish
Most Missed Memory: College life
Best physical feature: Eyes
First Thought Waking Up: Damnit. I guess I won't be dying in my sleep today.
Goal for this year: Get hot, get famous, get out.
Best Friends: Liz, Hugh, Julie, Stephanie, Meg.
Weakness: Food
Fears: Roaches and never realizing my dreams
Heritage: A little bit of everything, but mostly German, Irish, Swedish.
Longest relationship: 1 year.

HAVE YOU...
Ever Drank: Yep
Ever Smoked: Tried it a couple times
Pot: (see above)
Ever been Drunk: Have I?
Ever been beaten up: No
Ever beaten someone up: No
Ever Shoplifted: Yes
Ever Skinny Dipped: Well, I was still in my bra, so..no?
Ever Kissed Opposite sex: Is this survey for a 12 year old?
Been Dumped Lately: Not really

IN A GUY/GIRL
Favorite Eye Color: Brown
Favorite Hair Color: Brown
Short or Long: Short...Long is for hippies
Height: Taller than me
Style: Anything but hippy!
Looks or Personality: Has to care about his appearance. Has to be a good time.
Hot or Cute Cute
Drugs and Alcohol: Alcohol maybe, but no druggies; or hippies!
Muscular or Really Skinny: Muscular.

RANDOMS
Number of Regrets in the Past: Mistakes? I've made a few.
What country do you want to Visit: Canada.
How do you want to Die: In my sleep.
Been to the Mall Lately: Not in the last month. Too poor.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes. But I miss lightening...we don't have lightening much out here.
Get along with your Parents: I talk to them on the phone.
Health Freak: Not even.
Believe in Yourself: Most of the time.
Want to go to College: Been there, done that.
Do you Smoke: Didn't I answer that above?
Do you Drink: Again? I answered that.
Shower Daily: at least once a day.
Been in Love: sure.
Do you Sing: In the shower, at work all over.
Want to get Married: If the money is right.
Do you want Children: If the money is right.
Have your future kids names planned out: Caroline and Cecilia for girls and boys will be sold to the highest bidder.
Age you wanna lose your Virginity: Wow, I think I'm taking the wrong survey. Is there a survey for adults?
Hate anyone: Just the Skeezy SkankHole TM. She must die.

Something About Toast

Ah, Sunday morning: the entire day to do whatever I want. Whatever shall I do? Maybe I’ll go see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. Perhaps I’ll check out the sales at Macy’s. Perchance I’ll wait outside my cousin’s apartment ‘til she either calls the cops or gives up her Harry Potter book.

I used to dread Sundays. It was just a grim reminder that the weekend was nearly over and I had to stare down an entire week of work that lay ahead of me. I would often stay up/out as late as possible Saturday night just so I could keep Sunday from showing up.

But recently I’ve began to love Sundays. I get up around 8ish, fire up the coffee pot and go out front to get my Sunday paper. If it’s there I’m happy and if it’s not there I’m happy ‘cause that means I get to call the L.A. Times and bitch about the shitty paper guy.

After throwing out any part of the paper that has to do with politics or the world outside my condo, I spend a big part of the morning going through the ads and coupons. Usually I don’t find anything of interest, but every once in a while I find something of interest.

Today is not one of those days.

Oh well…..time to go enjoy the day.

Read 'em and Weep!

How come I can't pull off awesome hands like this when real money is at stake?



I 've been kicking ass this afternoon on PartyPoker.com. I've played three single-table tournaments today and I came in second, first and third respectively. I've got $1,350 in my play money bank.

Not that it will help me anywhere but on PartyPoker. I guess I could always ask the phone company if they take play money. I wonder if they ever get that question?

Ok, off to the gym. Really this time...no I'm serious. I'm walking out the door right.....now....

World: Still My Toaster

Ah, Saturday morning. Two full days of freedom are stretched out ahead of me. The path is clear to do whatever I want. The possibilities: endless…

…as long as I don’t spend any money. I am completely broke until the next paycheck. Well, that’s not true; I’ve got a bunch of cans to take back to the store today. That should put me in the black to the tune of $1.86. (That’s just a guesstimate, but I’ve gotten pretty good at guessing how much a bag of cans are worth. A skill I hope to parley into something marketable.)

It’s only 10 a.m. and I’ve already done the dishes, gotten my laundry done and talked to my mother for a whole 25 minutes (no small feat I might add).

Now I’m going to harass my cousin on her blog, then go to the gym to work off some of this fat around my waist, and then I’m taking the cans back. ChaChing!

Go Saturday, Go Saturday.

The World is My Toaster

Ah, Friday afternoon. It holds such promise, such excitement. The possibilities ahead of me are limited only by my imagination. For the next two days I am master of my destiny.

I make the rules. I don’t have to be anywhere or answer to anyone. I could put on my pajamas right now and lay on my couch ‘til Monday morning. I could drive to Vegas. I could go hang out at the Lakewood mall trolling for young boys (if that were my bag, which it isn’t).

To quote the great orator Eric Cartman, “I’ll do what I want!”

Whatever will I do????

Is That Leana on Your Bed?

OHMYGAWD, I have found out so much about myself tonight. And you know where I found out? ON EBAY!

For serious, I did a search for the name LEANA on eBay and I found out that there’s not only a pair of shoes named Leana, but bedding. And someone actually put out a record single called “Leana, Leana.”



I wonder how the song goes? I’m sure it’s got a funky beat and a sweet refrain. That’s me, that’s me!**

**Yes, I know I'm a narcissist. But what about me?

The Rest of my Gambling Weekend

I realized today that this last weekend was all about gambling. As you know, dear blog, on Friday night I played Bingo (I mentioned that below.) I went in with $20; I came home with $100. Up $80.

Saturday:

On Saturday evening I went with Cousin Stephanie to the Los Alamitos Race Track. Not to bet on the ponies, but to watch…..the weiner dog races!!! WEEE.

To those of you in the ‘know’ I love me the weiner dogs. They are my favorite breed of dog. (Everyone has a favorite breed of dog, right?) As a youth the family had a weiner dog, Macy Mae. Macy was part weiner dog, part terrier so she had the long weiner dog body and the long-ish terrier legs. Quite a mix. I loved Macy. She was the greatest. Well, except for when she had her puppies on my bed. That was gross. I don’t care what Martha Stewart says, you can’t get puppy placenta juice out of mattresses!

I just know when I ‘grow up’ I’ll get another weiner dog. I’m just not in a place in my life where I feel comfortable being responsible for another living creature. I’ve killed two plants since moving into my condo. I fear the dog will end up chewing through the front window screen to find an owner who could remember to feed her every day.

While we were there watching the weiner dogs attempt to move their round little bodies and small stubby legs fast enough through 50 meters of plowed dirt to their owners waiting for them at the finish line, I bet on one of the horse races. I hadn’t really planned on betting, as I know nothing about handicapping and odds, but I had to.

In the second race there was a horse named L.B. Starlett. HELLO, that’s me! It couldn’t have been any more of a sign than if the horse was named "Leana Bet on ME!!!" So I bet $2 to win, $2 to place and $2 to show. I figured I’d cover all my bases. I should have known better. My horse came in fourth. DOH. Still up $74.

Sunday:
On Sunday afternoon I hung out with the Long Beach Poker Club, where I managed to come out third in both tournaments. We made a little covert bet under the table in the second tournament, each of us puting in a $1. It’s amazing how much people change their play when money is involved. When we were just playing for bragging rights people would play fast and loose, but as soon as we added real money to the pot it was like we were playing for our lives!

I still lost. The hardest part about playing with this group is that we are all relatively new to the game, so none of us have acquired real ‘tells’ and we don’t know enough to play a certain way. So basically the winner of each game is given the title of “luckiest mother f-er.” I want to be the Luckiest Mother F-er. When will I be the Luckiest Mother F-er? When, When, When?

So the whole weekend I was up $73. If you disregard how much my time is worth. Then I’m only up $70.

Putting on my Stalking Shoes

One of my favorite comediennes, Maria Bamford, is going to be at Martini Blues on Wednesday, July 20. I’m so super excited. I don’t normally go to comedy shows for fun. An odd fact about me: I love being on stage, but I don’t really like watching stand up. It makes me itchy. I’m sure it has something to do with me not being the center of attention.

Another odd fact about me: I read at a 15th grade level.

This Just In...

PEOPLE SUCK!

BINGO!

I accompanied my Aunt Linda to Bingo last night. I haven’t played since I was 10 and went with my grandma.

Boy has Bingo changed. It used to be all you had to do was get five numbers in a row to win. Not any more. Now you have to get things called “postage stamps” and “six packs” and “49ers.”

And it’s not the laid-back fun event I remember. People weren’t there to have fun, they were there to WIN. If you talked too loudly they would shush you. If we were playing a game that didn’t require you to use any numbers from the “N” column and a ball dropped with an N, people would start screaming “NO N!!”

These people were serious. The guy sitting next to us had 10 daubers (the ink used to mark your Bingo card for the two people reading this who may not know how Bingo is played). He also had a seat cushion with a bingo design and a bag with bingo balls on it. He even had a computerized Bingo game that was connected to the Bingo machine in the front and it would tell you when you had a Bingo. I know, WEIRD.

The only thing that was the same from when I was a kid was that the entire event was at a Catholic church. Those Catholics know how to run an efficient Bingo hall, that’s for sure.

What I also noticed was it wasn’t just games of Bingo. They had games in between that they’d sell tickets for. Those cheesy pull tab tickets that they sell in the really cheap gas stations were being sold in mass.

Lucky for those games, it was the only time I won all night. They gave everyone a raffle ticket at the beginning of the night and during the intermission they started drawing for prizes. My number was the first one called. I got to pick an envelope and I won $100. Not too shabby, huh?

I’ll definitely go again. It was a fun way to spend a Friday evening. I guess it’s beginning…the next step is the cat isn’t it? I wonder if I have to go right away and get the shawl or if I can wait ‘til winter?

The Pain!

My body is getting its revenge on me for the 5:30 a.m. workouts from last week. At least I’m guessing that’s what caused it. I got one of my old-school migraines yesterday. It’s been so long since I’ve actually had to feel the pain of a migraine. Usually when I start to see the weird spinny lights out f the corner of my left eye I can take my “headache pill” soon enough that I can escape the head pain and only have to deal with the icky stomach feeling the pill leaves.

But not this one. I actually felt the pain. Gawd it was awful. With the nausea and the puking and the flaven!

I did manage to fall asleep near 7 pm and woke up after midnight feeling just wrecked. I thought for sure I’d have to spend all day recuperating. I did manage to get up pert-near 8 and somehow got my ass out of bed. What annoys me the most is that I can’t manage to get the migraine during the work day. It’s always after work. Sigh….

It worries me that the actual migraine pain is back. I thought I had left that back in Iowa. The migraine pain is a bit of a wake up call though. ‘Cause if it’s not the early rising, I’m going to have to reconsider the way I’m living my life. Something is going to have to change, ‘cause I am NOT going to start down this migraine pain road again. Not. Gonna. Do. It.

It Was the Best of Times...

The best thing about living in a one bedroom apartment is that it’s nearly impossible to lose anything. ‘Cause if it’s not in the living room, it’s in the bedroom. And if it’s not in the bedroom it’s in the kitchen. And if it’s not in the kitchen it’s GOT to be in the bathroom. But why in the hell would my cutting board be in the bathroom? Oh yeah, I remember now….

The worst thing about living in a one bedroom apartment is that if I leave one thing lying around, it looks like a tornado’s been through the place. Yesterday I left my work shoes and jacket next to the door and a neighbor walked by and asked if someone had ransacked my place. I lied and said yes.

Happy Birthday America

I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free.

And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.

'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land

God Bless the U.S.A.

-Lee Greenwood

Now Viewing: Chariots of Fire

I signed up for a 5K walk next weekend. My company was paying the entry fee and I knew there was a free tee-shirt involved so…of course…how could I say no?

So this morning I went to the gym and decided to figure out how long it would actually take me to walk 3.1 miles. What I found out: a HELL OF A LONG TIME!!! I was going about 3.5 mph the entire time and it took me 55 minutes. That figures out to be about 18 minute miles. But I know I’m not going to be able to keep up the 3.5 mph pace the entire time, and anyway, I’m walking with a girl from the office who chain smokes. At least I hope she’s not in better shape than me. I don’t want to get lapped by a person with a pack of Marlboros rolled up in her shirt sleeve.

The goal the rest of the week; get my time down. I have a whole week. I figure I’ll be doing 9 minute miles by the end of the week.

Yes, and I’ll be doing it in spandex and high heel sneakers!

A few things I learned…

… from seeing War of the Worlds

• The best place to be during an alien invasion is Boston, a brownstone if possible.
• The only thing you need to survive an alien attack: Luck.
• Their astronauts like Tang as much as ours do.
• Amoebas are scary mother fuckers.

The Real Weak

Say you’re putting together a charity event, or you’re in charge of booking entertainment for a party or a speaker at your college. You want to get as much publicity as possible so you, or a committee, decide to get celebrities to show up and hang out with your invited guests.

You throw some names around: Beyonce -too expensive. Paris Hilton -too skanky. Jennifer Garner -she might bring Ben. Russell Crowe -too unpredictable. Tom Cruise -too crazy. Coral from the Real World -what?

Seriously, if you want, you can hire past Real World cast members to come to your event and host, or give a speech or even just hang out. What the hell could these people possibly have to say that’s worth hearing? Or better yet, worth paying for?

This website has bios and info on the cast members, and who you can contact to hire them. My favorite was, of course, Trishelle. If you were so inclined, you could hired Trishelle to come speak on a number of topics including, and I quote: drinking/north south relations /diversity/stereotypes/relationships.

I know that if I were looking for someone to speak on such emotionally-charged subjects as drinking and stereotypes, I would pick the drunk, slutty southern girl from Real World Las Vegas. She's actually managed to turned her name into an adjective. "You are really Trishelling it up tonight Leana!"

And it’s not just Trishelle; it looks like you can rent any past member of the Real World. I wouldn’t waste my organization’s money on Trishelle though. I would spend it on a real basket case, like Beth from San Francisco…..oh wait, I can get Puck.