And she still managed to come in third!

Miss Teen USA 2007

I almost died!

Seriously.

Part of my vacation plans included a trip to Six Flags. I haven't been there in years and I was itching to get on a roller coaster again.

Yesterday Boyfriend and I went.

It was a great day to go to an amusement park- it was about 100 freakin' degrees, but besides the line to get into the park (which took 30 minutes) the lines for the rides were non existent. It took longer to meander through the miles of real estate they had set up to accommodate the usually long lines, then to actually stand in said line.

The only line we had to wait in was for X. Which should have been a sign.

When the ride broke down two cycles before our turn, that should have been a sign.

When the dude standing in our row ahead of us, who looked like a fatter version of Bam Bam Bigalow (according to Ethan), and his son were kicked off 'cause the boy was too short, that should have been a sign. But it wasn't.

When Ethan claimed he had to pee really bad as we were being strapped into the ride, that should have been a sign. But it wasn't.

The bulk of the ride was awesome. It is by far the scarcest of the roller coasters at Six Flags. It wasn't 'til we were coming out of the last loop and coming into the station that I was hit..in the freakin' eye with what we've come to assume was a huge wad of wet paper.

In my fuckin' eye! Fortunately I was wearing my glasses, or I probably would have taken the thing full on. As it happened, it only knocked my clip-on sunglasses off and bent the frame.

It also left me with a small scratch and the promise of a black eye.

But holy shit was I scared. I thought for sure I had fucked up my eye. I thought I had broken my glasses. I even thought, "This is because I made fun of Fabio when he got hit by a bird on a roller coaster."

The people at Six Flags were less than concerned. I was kind of annoyed at how I was treated really. One guy was nice, but another dude was like "we tell people not to carry things on the rides that could fly away, but they don't listen. We tell them not to wear their sunglasses even." I was like "Douche bag, if I hadn't been wearing my glasses I would have taken that ginormous spit wade direct to my eye."

All seems to be ok. I can still see, and the black eye has yet to appear.

I guess it will be quite a long time 'til I go back to Six Flags. Just so you know, if you laugh at me about this, it will come back to you. Now excuse me, I have a letter to write to Fabio.

A whole lifetime ago

As I mentioned before, Friday was my last day at work. It was more than awesome. The word to describe what Friday was like has yet to be invented...It was that awesome.

The people at work that didn't know I was leaving kept coming up and asking me why I seemed so relaxed and happy.

The people that did know, kept looking at me with a mixture of envy, resentment and pride. Proud, I believe, that I had finally made the decision to move on.

And I'm really proud of myself too. I stayed way too long in a job that didn't make me happy. I finally decided that no amount of money is worth making myself miserable. I knew I'd be able to find something that I enjoyed and still be able to maintain the lifestyle of a diva.

I seriously felt like Red, towards the end of The Shawshank Redemption, as he traveled on the bus to meet up with Andy.

"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain."

My new job doesn't start for two weeks, so I'm taking some well-needed, and if I don't say so myself, well-deserved time off to just relax. I haven't done that in about 7 years and I think- um, no, I know, I deserve it. I'm extremely excited for the start of my new journey- not just my job, but for the future I'm building.

T-shirt sale!

The website I get all my witty t-shirts from, is having a $10 Back-to-school sale.

Go check it out!!! If you buy one, let me know. I want to see!!!

Mirror, Mirror in the Trash...

This awesomely horrible mirror- in the shape of a horse- was (SHOCKINGLY) placed in the trash outside my condo complex last night. I'm lucky I snapped a picture of it then, 'cause this morning IT WAS GONE!

Someone actually passed this monstrosity and said, "Hey, I'd like to put that up in my apartment." They probably also said, "It will go nicely next to my black velvet paintings of Elvis and my collection of kitty skulls."

My Last Day of Work

7 years.

So done.

So happy.

Sweet, sweet freedom.

The future is mine!

I can finally say, TGIF and really, mean it.

Yet Another Reason Why I Should Cook at Home

Check out these five debit card transactions- all in a row. I am so ashamed.

Show Cancelled!

I just realized I still had the It's a Grind show listed for tonight. It's been cancelled. We were bumped for a church study group. Yeah I know. I guess God is a bigger name than Leana Benson.

Hope this doesn't mess up the plans for anyone tonight. If you are interested, you can come watch me watch Superbad with my boyfriend at the AMC on Pine tonight.

Saturn Smack Down

I took the Saturn in for an oil change and to see why the thing is idling at 2,000 RPMs in park.

Turns out, they didn't find anything wrong with the car, but I found a few things wrong with Saturn.

First of all, NO donuts. WTF? I dragged my ass out of bed to be at the dealership by 8:30 am-on a Saturday morning BTW- and they had no donuts. Part of the reason I bought the Saturn was for the commercials where the person goes to wait in air conditioned comfort, sip on a soda and EAT A DONUT.

Second, there was about 20 of us in the waiting room, and some ancient Mexican woman decided it would be a great idea to catch up with all her long-lost relatives on the phone- very loudly. She could have at least gotten up and gone to the other side of the room. Not that it mattered, the only thing on TV was CNN. But it was great hearing about some guy named Hector and his rusted out tractor.

And finally, I was told my car was done at 10 and they were just going to wash it. Cut to an hour and a half later and I go up to the morbidly obese receptionist (I only point out her weight as another reason I'm shocked there were no donuts, unless of course she got to them all before they could be put out) and asked for my car. She's all "it's being washed." I was all "it's been an hour and a half, I could have washed the entire car with a moist towelette. Bring me my Saturn!"

So I pay for the oil change, walk outside, the guy goes and gets my car and it's been washed and, not only that, it's perfectly dry and the guy who pulled it around was all "It's been sitting in the sun awhile so it's warm inside." WTF? I was livid. How long would I have been sitting there before they bothered to tell me my freakin' car was ready.

Heads will roll. And I better get more than a chocolate glazed out of this deal.

Coming out of the haze

The last month has been extremely stressful for me Dear Blog. I'm just now-today- able to take a step back, exhale and look at what's occurred.

I'll have big news on Monday, but for now let me just share a few things I've been too preoccupied with drama to blog about:

1) Sometime during the last month my cell phone went from saying "Cingular" to "AT&T." I had promised myself never to give in to the evil empire, but it seems I have..unbeknownst to me.

2) I saw comedian Brian Posehn walking his dog in Sherman Oaks....on a Saturday night. It was refreshing to know I wasn't the only stand up comedian not working that night.

3) I finally got Guitar Hero II. Now I don't have to go over to the Dark Side to play. Boyfriend was nice enough to give me his old PlayStation 2 so I could buy it. I'm already kicking all sorts of ass with it. I"m contemplating going back and buying the first one. Actually, I've been contemplating buying it for quite a while, but I'm waiting 'til I can find it on sale for $5. 'Cause that might actually happen.

4) I saw Mr. Johnny Rivers at Fashion Island in Newport Beach. NO, he wasn't shopping, he was performing. Take a look:
4 1/2) At that same Johnny Rivers concert I saw the two youngest security guards. This is an action shot of them stopping an old woman from standing in the aisle.

5) My comedy buddy Devin's bachelor party/roast is coming up next Friday. I'm really excited/nervous/freaked as I'm the roastmistress. I've never roasted in my life, let alone mastered it. I have to hope that my natural evil snarkiness will carry me through. Please come!

Jamie Foxx will play Skid Row musician

When I read that headline in Yahoo! News, the first thing I thought was "He's a good actor, but how's he going to play Sebastian Bach?"

Big News Coming Soon

Can't say anything now, but something big is happening...

And maybe it will lead to me actually writing in my Blog more.

Getting it off my chest

People have been asking me about my super fab t-shirts. I get them from Threadless.com. Some of the shirts are like "hmmm...really?" but others are actually cool. If you click through my link and buy, I get $3 off my next order.

No pressure though...but check out a few of the shirts I've previously bought.

Don't Give up on me!

There is much going on Dear Blogger...can't talk about it now, but suffice it to say, I see a bad moon arisin'.

How the Hell did that Happen?

Guns n' Roses' greatest album, Appetite for Destruction, came out 20 years ago!

But that doesn't even make sense. I was 11 when it came out and I'm only 22 now!!

And I'm a six 6!