Leana's Comedy Blog Etc...

The continuing saga of a single, burgeoning stand-up comedienne/wanna-be poker ingénue/bitter corporate drone/closet hermit/hapless homeowner…living in L.A.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Web Bullies

First of all, I want to say that I think the Hemophilia of Georgia is a great organiztaion. They help people in Georgia with inherited bleeding disorders- like hemophilia and von Willebrand Disease.

However, I think they should have run their web address through a committee.


Come on!

I was just thinking I'd really have to reconsider a job there if my email address was going to be leana@hog.org.

I just don't have a good enough body image to pull that off.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Register soon and often

I'm not sure if you heard, but I'm getting MARRIED!


Things are going along swimmingly. I'm actually on top of things- sans flowers, which I'm putting off as long as I can, 'cause I hate the idea of spending a ton of money on something that's going to die. What's the point? I could spend the money on booze or food- something that will last years!

Next weekend is our shower. I was checking the guest registry 'cause I got an email from someone asking about a specific item. As I was checking it, someone was also online buying us stuff off it! It was pretty cool seeing items disappear. Of course it wasn't the plasma TV or Bose music system, but it's stuff we need.

Ethan and I had a pretty tough time putting together a gift registry. We both had so much stuff when we moved in together we had a lot of duplications- two crock pots, two microwaves, two sex swings.

Of course, most of the stuff we found on our gift registry was seasonal- all the dishes we picked out are unavailable now. But WTF? When we picked out the dishes, it was all they had. They didn't have "fall dishware." I guess we're SOL on dishes.

But beyond that, everything else is going pretty well. I'm only slightly stressed.

I'm going to do better about posting. I want to document a lot of this fun stuff!

Friday, September 19, 2008

I want to drink your milkshake!

I saw this article about the worst drinks in the United States.

Here's #1.

"The Worst Drink in America
Baskin-Robbins Large Heath Bar Shake
2,310 calories 108 g fat (64 g saturated)266 g

Let's look at America's Worst Drink in numbers:

73: The number of ingredients that go into this milkshake.

66: The number of teaspoons of sugar this drink contains.

11: The number of Heath Bars you would have to eat to equal the number of calories found in one Baskin Robbins Large Heath Bar Shake.

12: The average number of minutes it takes to consume this drink.

240: The number of minutes you'd need to spend on a treadmill, running at a moderate pace, to burn it off."

I think we all know where I'm off to now!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Two Flavors of Bride

The David's Bridal website (I'm a frequent visitor lately) has a program that allows you to 'dress' your wedding party virtually. You can try on different dresses and add accessories and what not. It's actually a pretty handy tool- I used it to give my out-of-town bridesmaids dress options.

The only problem I have with the program is that it only gives you two size options- "Missy" and "Woman." The sizes are so ridiculous.

Check it out:


I'm obviously not "Missy" but I damn sure I'm not "Woman" All the dresses that you put on the "Woman" look like giant marshmellows.

I've decided to rename the size options:

Missy is now "Mary Kate Olsen after she's been trapped on Survivor Island for a month."

Woman is now "Camryn Manheim after she's been trapped in a Sizzler for a month."

Wedding Update







Deejay...not yet

Flowers...I'm going to give someone a call next week I guess...

Marriage License...when do I have to have that done???

Ring for Ethan....shit.... I'm running out of time!

Monday, August 11, 2008

Instant Karma's Gonna Get Ya

A perfect example:

Man Hits Woman Then Fatally Crashes

A motorist fleeing after striking and injuring a woman in a crosswalk fatally barreled into a parked vehicle on a Bell street, police said Monday.

The crash occurred on Heliotrope Avenue at Randolph Street about 11:30 p.m. Sunday, said Maywood police Sgt. Scott Anderson.

The driver, a man in his mid-20s, hit a woman in a crosswalk in the 6500 block of Vinevale Avenue in Bell, about three blocks away, and was speeding away northbound when his car, a Toyota, struck a parked vehicle and rolled over, Anderson said.

The man was declared dead at the scene, Anderson said.

The woman, who is in her mid-20s, was transported to County-USC Medical Center with a broken leg or ankle, he said.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Too Fat To Die- A Lifetime Series movie

I read this story. The guy claims he's so fat that the executioners might have trouble finding a vein for his lethal injection.

How embarrassing for this guy. I feel bad for him. I have a couple alternatives, I hope the State of Ohio reads my blog and takes one of my brilliant suggestions.

  • Put him on Weight Watchers for a month.
  • Put him on a treadmill 'til his heart explodes
  • Cut off his head
  • Gas him.
  • Firing squad
  • Drowning
  • Pull him apart like they did to Mel Gibson in Braveheart
  • Throw rocks at him
  • Put him in general population

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Filed Under: WHAT THE FUCK

There are some sick fucks in this world.

Flying is still safer than driving.

No, It's Not a Euphemism, it's a Restaurant

I'm trying to find a place to meet up with my friend Devin and his wife tomorrow night for dinner. I went on Yelp and found Tuna Town.

There's no way I would ever ask Devin to meet me at Tuna Town. I don't think I could get that sentence out with a straight face.

Plus it didn't get many good ratings.