Way To Put in the Effort!

I saw this job post on Craig's List. This would be a great premise for one of those cheesy Lifetime movies, where either the personal assistant falls in love with her boss, or one of the people who reply to her boss's online ad.

Or, even better, it could be one of the Lifetime movies where Meredith Baxter Birney has an affair with her husband's co worker, gets pregnant with his baby then has the baby stolen out of her womb by Valerie Bertinelli or Cheryl Ladd.

NEED AN ONLINE DATING PERSONAL ASSISTANT

I'm seeking an individualo to work about 12 hours/wk primarily from home w/ flexible hours at $10/hr to manage my online dating accounts, send out emails, reply to emails, etc. this is steady ongoing work with cash pay. Perfer mid 20's to 30's man or woman with significant experience dating online. Email us your resume with a brief cover letter describing extent of knowledge of teh various popular dating websites. Preferred also: College degree

Maybe Not a Number 1 Fan

There's something about James Blunt that makes me want to rip out his vocal chords everytime his song comes on the radio.

Stayin' Alive

You'll notice from this post that I am not dead. Weeeeeee.

But out of the three people who said they'd come by to look at my fridge, a total of ZERO showed up. Now I remember why I don't post anything on Craig's List. The flake factor is at about ten.

Frostbite

I put the frigidaire up on Craig's List. I have people coming by to look at it tonight. So if I turn up dead you'll know what brought about my demise.

I LOVE YOU ALL!

Leana's Holiday Advice

If you think those little crumb crunchers will be a knock, knock, knockin' on your front door sometime this week, begging for candy, make sure you buy crappy candy to hand out. Believe me, if you buy a bag of the snack sized Reece's Peanut Butter cups, there won't be any left by the time those little bastards get to the door.

I bought the little boxes of those gross, gummy dum dums. Those taste like shit. I win, the kids lose.

Seeing Double?

This cracked me up.

It's Official: I Am the ONE and ONLY!

HowManyOfMe.com

There is: 1 person with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Thanks for the Memories

I really enjoy strolling down Memory Lane, especially with my cousins. I was chatting with my cousin Stephanie and we got to talking about the pets we had as children, specifically her wiener dog Bambi and Bambi’s puppy Sugar. The only thing I remembered about either dog was Sugar, a morbidly obese wiener dog/rotweiller/doverman mix, breaking one of her little legs trying to climb over a chainlink fence.

We got to talking about the parentage of Sugar. As far as Stephanie and I can remember, nobody knows how Bambi became ‘with puppies’ but the results was some strange looking dog. Stephanie promised to broach the subject with her mother. I hope it’s some kind of face-to face that starts with “I need you to tell me the truth!”

I bet Cousin Julie knows the story. Her memory is a bit better than ours. And Bambi was her dog. I’m not pointing fingers, but if Julie had spent less time playing hopscotch and skipping rope, and spent more time watching her dog, perhaps Bambi never would have had a morbidly obese wiener dog Frankenstein.

The Ballad of Leana Rae

My junior year of college I auditioned for a part
in The Importance of Being Earnest. It was between me and one other girl for the part-it’s been so long I can’t remember which, either Miss Prism, the Governess, or Lady Bracknell. Whichever one was supposed to have the bigger ass, I’m sure.

I remember having to read my part with this douche bag Phillip Marten. He was a real theatre wanna-be. He was friends with this other theater rat, Tim, and they’d always be having these long, moronic discussions about who was the better actor: DeNiro or Pacino. I hated them both (Phillip and Tim, not Bobby and Al), but I hated Phillip more.

We rehearsed before the audition in the hallway of the auditorium. Right before we went on stage he turns and says to me, “If you don’t get this part, I hope you’ll keep auditioning.” What a fuckin’ asshole thing to say. I was already nervous as hell. I’d only been in one other play at ISU and it was just a small, supporting role. I thought “what does he know that I don’t ? I must be horrible if he’s saying this to me.” He totally got into my head. I felt like a piece of shit when I went out on stage. I couldn’t even look at him as we did our scene.

Of course I didn’t get the part. And I was too intimidated to say anything to the guy at the time. I thought he knew more than me. I wish I had said something. I wish I could go back right now and tell the guy to stick it up his ass.

I think about that moment and wonder if I’ve really come that far. If I could really say that now. I still think I put too much weight into what others think of me. I guess, if I plan to do stand up as more than just a hobby, that I’m going to have to get over it. Everyone gets booed. Not everyone is going to like Leana’s brand of comedy™. I’m going to have to get over the shit that the Phillip Marten’s of the world throw at me. Otherwise I’ll be done before I even start.

Interestingly, I didn’t remember the dude’s name so I had to go back to the ol’ ISU theatre page to look it up. HE didn’t get a part in the play either! What a maroon. I hope, as he’s flipping burgers at the little café in the bowling alley near Ames, that he remembers that moment as fondly as I do.

I'm Sorry Matthew Perry

I just couldn't stay up 'til 10 pm last night to watch your show. I had a raging headache and my throat hurt. I took one of those Tylenol PMs and I was pretty much unconscious at a quarter 'til 9.

I'm hoping they'll rerun the episode so I can catch up. I'm actually hoping they don't cancel it before that can happen.

Again, sorry Matt.

-Leana

What Did You Do With My Weekend?

I swear it was just Friday. Now it's Sunday night and I have to do the work-week all over again. Not fair, not fair at all.