Thanksgiving Wrap Up

Three posts in one day, I think this may be an all-time record for me. Before I stick a fork in this long weekend I thought I’d do a quick wrap-up of all I was thankful for this weekend. In no particular order:

My family- the ‘rents and grand ‘rents and Aunt Carol in general, my Aunt Linda and my cousins Stephanie and Julie in particular. They had me over Thanksgiving Day for a 6-hour eating fest. They were also there to bear witness to my three-Yatzees in ONE game. That has to be a world record. (Note to self, look that up)

My job- I may complain about it, but it’s afforded me a roof over my head, a well-running car, health insurance and people I consider great friends. Plus they are very supportive about my stand-up career, where a lot of employers would not.

My health- This goes back to having the health insurance, which allows me to verify the thankfulness. According to my last physical I do not have diabetes, just tight shoes and I don’t have mono I’m just bored.

My friends-Those I talk to everyday and those I only get to speak with occasionally, but I know I can count on them in a pinch.

My boyfriend- he puts up with me when I turn into a complete girl, which isn’t as often as it used to be, but just enough to be dangerous to someone with less patience.

My sense of humor- Some people never develop one and that is sad. Mine is going to make me famous, or at least make me fun at parties.

We Meet Again Mr.Bond

I have an archnemesis…not even 30 and I have a nemesis. You know, all the great ones had nemeses, or is it nemesi? Mozart had Salieri, Alexander Hamilton had Aaron Burr, Scarlett O’Hara had Melanie Hamilton (no relation I’m sure), Kirk had Khan, Snoopy had the Red Barron…the list goes on and on. I have That Girl! I best not give out her name, as the comedy world is small and I wouldn’t want this to get back to her. I’m sure she has no idea who I am, but I know her, oh yes, I know her.

The two of us seem to have parallel lives, except where she’s really successful and I’m just talking about it on my web log. We both went to the same college. She was a few years behind me but that didn’t stop her. We lived in the same dorm, both rushed sororities, both majored in journalism, both wrote for the same college paper. But she always seemed to do it a little bit better somehow. While I had a bi-weekly column, she was an editor, while I tried out for the popular improv group on campus; she actually became a member (although strangely enough, if you go into the improv group’s archives, it lists me as an alum which isn’t at all correct).

I hadn’t really thought much about her since I moved to Los Angeles to seek my fame and fortune. That is until I bumped into her while taking improv classes at the VERY FAMOUS Improv Company*, where I was deep in second level “This is intermediate!” She was also taking classes. I don’t think she remembered me…but I remembered her…oh yes I remembered her…

It wasn’t long after that, that I dropped second level “this is bullshit, cliquey assholes that would as soon step over my bleeding corpse than say hello!” I gave up the world of improv for the singular spotlight of stand up. I hadn’t given That Girl! a single thought until I happened, last night, upon the VERY FAMOUS Improv Company’s website. I went through the list of members and who the hell did I see pictured in the main company??? That Girl! Right there. Out of all the people to climb through the forty levels of classes, the dozens of writing labs, the three year waiting lists, the rickety rope bridge suspended over the rushing molten lava 100 feet down, she had made it. My brilliantly hilarious friends Scott and Renee weren’t able to make it through all that crap and she had. HER. My nemesis.

I bow to her. She has the one up on me. For now. But this has rekindled the fires within me; it has awakened the sleeping giant, so to speak. Where she has succeeded in improv I will exceed in stand up comedy. Where she performs for free every Sunday, I will perform every night. My success will soon shadow hers to such an extent that she will slowly go mad with the constant questions from eager fans asking her if she really DID know Leana Benson and if she could get them an autograph.

*Name of the VERY FAMOUS Improv Company withheld due to fear of retribution. I have the name of the company sealed in an envelope and stored in a safety deposit box in the event of my career being killed.

Damn Internal Clock

I haven’t been able to sleep in late ONCE this entire holiday weekend. I’ve been up by 7 am every day. But I just know, come Monday morning, I’ll have to drag my ass out of bed to get to work.

Gobble Gobble

I can’t remember ever being so excited for a holiday. I’m as giddy as a crack whore on the first of the month.

It’s like the feeling I get on Fridays at 6:07 pm when I’m driving down Long Beach Blvd. with the whole weekend ahead of me- only double that ‘cause I have four days off instead of two. Exactly double, I counted.

It’s already after 10:30 pm and I’m still awake, I’m not even contemplating going to bed, ‘cause I don’t have to. I can stay up as late as I want WITHOUT consequences. No consequences. The sad part is that I’ll probably be in bed by 11.

I’ve got big plans for the extended weekend, big plans. And they all revolve around food. Oh yeah. Tomorrow I’ll be spending all day with my wonderful cousins and fabulous aunt, eating my weight in turkey without being judged…’cause they’ll be eating right along with me. We’ll probably eat about 45,000 calories combined. I, of course, am making my world-famous green bean casserole. Don’t tell anyone, but the secret is fried onions.

And luckily for me, my beau reads my web log and is taking me away for the weekend. Yippeeeee…. We don’t know where we’re going or when we’re leaving or when we’ll be back, but there will be a freeway and convenience store quality beef jerky involved.

I wish all my readers a happy and safe Thanksgiving, and I hope you’ll all be celebrating with people you care about.

Successful in Spite of Myself

My comedy buddy Devin has booked us for shows every Saturday in January. Without him I would have nothing brewing in the comedy pot come the New Year, unless you count the improv I do everyday at work, which I do not as there is no two-drink minimum in the marketing department.

One of the new girls in the office said she wanted to come see my next show. She was talking to one of the developers on the third floor and he said “wouldn’t it be sad if Leana wasn’t funny on stage.”

Say it with me ladies and gentlemen, “WTF???” What’s that supposed to mean? The chick claims it’s that it would be sad ‘cause I’m funny all day at work, and it would just be sad if I got up on stage and started talking about ‘the deal with belly button lint’ or ‘what is up with traffic?’ I’m assuming it was some backhanded compliment, but I slashed their tires in the parking lot afterwards so they knew I meant business.

PS: Don’t look in my upcoming gigs section just yet for the January shows. I’m having some issues with Dreamweaver. Let’s blame the oily ghost of the Skeezy Skank Hole ™

The Beginning of the 7 Day Holiday Sucktacular!

The headline is totally misleading but I liked it so I’m using it.

I’m writing from work. The ultimate no-no. Of course it’s during my lunch hour so I guess technically I’m not breaching the 36,329 page code of conduct contract I signed, but it still somehow seems wrong.

Oh well, I’m over it now! I’m quite excited for the long weekend. Mentally I will probably start my vacation Wednesday afternoon, although I will physically be in the office. I often take a mental holiday once or twice a month, usually on a Friday but not exclusively on a Friday for sure. Whenever I take them it’s because I truly need them.

I usually pick a project at work that requires absolutely no brain power- something a chimp or an intern could do. Then I put on my headphones, crank up 640 AM, continuous talk radio and go to my special vacation spot in my head. The location changes but usually it involves some sort of alcohol based drink and John Cusack (Say Anything John Cusack, not Being John Malkovich John Cusack, ick) although recently it’s been Brad Pitt, but he only wants to talk about the AIDS epidemic in South Africa so I usually tune him out. MEN!

I hope to take a real vacation this weekend if I can convince my friend-boy to take me away. HINT, HINT. Got my bags packed, HINT, HINT…already canceled the newspaper HINT, HINT… rented out my place for the weekend to some left over Billy Graham followers HINT, HINT.

Party's over, back to work!

Know When To Fold 'Em

It’s not even 9 AM and I have already managed to lose $6,540 playing poker. Boy would I sure be screwed if I were playing for real money! I am starting to think that online poker is going to end up hurting my game in the long run. People don’t play the same online for fake money as they would at a real casino with real money.

I suppose I could play online for real money, but I hate having to deal with the service charges and bullcrap that goes along with transferring money from my checking account or a credit card. Plus I’m terribly low on money right now. I’ve had to revamp my entire budget, as I lost most of my savings due to a serious lapse in judgment (live and learn as I’m told. Shout out to Mr. I-Told-You-So Walter WHAT’S UP???? )

So I’m stuck playing online for fake money. And it’s pretty much just the luck of the draw in these games. No skill, no bluffing, no reading the other person. The punks in fake no-limit games will raise $500 with a 2-4 off suite. So each hand you end up calling $500 before you even see the freakin’ flop. It’s maddening. But if you run out of fake money you can just go to the fake bank and get more fake money, that never runs out. I wish real banks worked like that.

It’s a Grind

First, thanks to all of you for e-mailing me your suggestions on the perfect color of pea coat. I weighed all the option sand comments, did some soul searching, prayed to my God and finally settled on….drum roll please……pale blue! Yes I decided the blue was both classy and fun and I wouldn’t be embarrassed to wear it for the next 5 to 10 years. The coat arrived via UPS yesterday and as soon as the weather cools down a bit I’ll be sporting it. Just my luck this is the warmest winter in California’s history. I’ll probably get to wear the coat for a week in January.

On to my big news

My comedy buddy Devin Dugan and I took the plunge again in hosting our own comedy room last Saturday night. After our last show at Blender Bros opened and closed in one night, we were a bit more careful in choosing locals.

Devin patronizes the It’s a Grind coffee shop in Anaheim and got chummy with a barista and got the owners to agree to let us host a night of comedy. Devin booked some awesome performers, including Eddie Pence, Delicia White and Geoff Keith. Of course he made the wise decision to make me the emcee and he headlined.

We killed! Even though we had to keep it clean, we rocked. People came in for coffee and stayed to watch the show, which is a true testament to the comedians. There were people were sitting on the floor and even standing outside watching from the open door. The owners said they want to make this at least a monthly show, maybe more. And they are going to tell the corporate office about us, so perhaps we can expand to other shops around OC and LA. Devin and I are already talking about our December show. Now all we have to do is start making money doing this.

A friend of Devin’s was taking pictures so I might actually have more than ONE picture on my “photos” section. Yes I know, it’s false advertising to have a “photos” section with only one photo. It’s also bad to have not updated my show schedule since May of 2003, but what’s a girl to do?