Happy Halloweeeeeeeen!!!

We didn’t get one trick-or-treater at the door tonight. I was so bummed out. What am I supposed to do with two bags of fun-sized peanut butter cups?

Well I guess it’s not all bad. Excuse me while I go into a sugar coma.

What? Was Charo Busy?

Inside the Actor's Studio has officially run out of guests, according to what I witnessed on television the other night.

Check out her list of credits! And what’s even sadder is the list of other actors on the left. That song from Sesame Street keeps running through my head. “One of these things is not like the other…one of these things just doesn’t belong….”

Leana is a Highway

Leana Highway Confusion Lane 3 Lake Love 19 Bewilderment Avenue 54 Paintown 102 Fame City 230 Please Drive Carefully

Username:

Where are you on the highway of life?

From Go-Quiz.com

Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead

I may have mentioned my feelings towards Horatio Sanz in the past. Please don’t think I make these claims about his awful acting, ungawdly comic timing and inability to stay in character in ANY scene he is in lightly. It’s from seasons and seasons of watching him make any sketch he is in worse. Instead of being able to watch Maya Rudolph work a scene as Donatella Versace or Darrell Hammond do a dead-on Sean Connery, I always have to worry that Fat Man* is going to walk into the scene and suck it up.

When he started hosting Weekend Update in place of Tina Fey, I again tried to give him the benefit. Two jokes into it and I was throwing things at my TV. My poor television.

Luckily Tina Fey will be back tonight and taking back her anchor desk. My only hope is that they not only kick Horatio Sanz off Weekend Update, but that the continue to kick him off…the show…off New York…off the continent…off the planet….you get my drift.

Welcome Back Tina! Never get knocked up again!

I Always Knew I Was a Luke!

Luke Skywalker:
Boldly striving to overcome the darkness both in this world and within yourself, you are righteously devoted to forging your own destiny.
It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my powers.

Reason I haven’t Posted a Blog Since Last Wednesday

I'm Not White Trash: Proof Positive!

I am 10% White Trash.

I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. . I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box.

Take the
White Trash Test
@ FualiDotCom

Lamest Post EVER!

I updated the gigs section on my website. These It's a Grind shows are going GREAT! I meant the all caps BTW.

My posts have been really sporatic and it's really only 'cause I'm lazy.

I'll try to make it up to you Bloggy-Poo.

I Said Don't Squeeze the Charmin

I hate false advertising. Saying that using Quilted Northern toilet paper is like ‘wiping your ass on a cloud’ is wrong. I can’t prove it, as I have never wiped my ass on a cloud, but I feel comfortable enough to call bullshit.

Likewise, I think any company that promises consumers that their product is ‘age-defying” should be taken out back and shot.

But those people at Frito-Lay were right on the ball when they named their new Cheetos brand “flaming hot.” Mother fucker are these things hot. I burned my fingers just grabbing one out of the bag. They were so hot I actually got a burn on my retina from looking directly at them. They were so hot that I gargled with coffee to take the edge off. You get the picture.

Frito-Lay say their new Cheetos “Asteroids” are “XXtra Flamin’ Hot.” Dear Mother of God NOOOO! Two X hot? How can this be legal? I will never doubt the Frito-Lay people again. If they tell me Ruffles have ridges I will believe them. If they say cool ranch Doritos are even cooler I will take that into consideration before I buy. If they say their new line of Funyuns are so good they might ‘cause miscarriages… I’ll keep that in mind in a pinch.….

Coffee and Comedy- What a Combo

Nice alliteration huh???

Come see me this Saturday night at It's A Grind in Long Beach. It's an awesome line-up (if I do say so myself, which I just did!)




I have a super-secret comedian going up that night as well. He can only be revealed on Saturday, less there be rioting in the streets.

I hope you can make it. Did I mention it's free? Yeah, that got your attention. I guess my Journalism 101 prof was right; I do tend to bury the lead.

White Men are SOOO FUNNY!

I watched the season premiere of Saturday Night Live this week. FINALLY! After thinking the premiere was two weeks ago and then last week, I finally got it right. If only there were a way to keep track of a special dates. Something with numbers that featured both the month and day. I must submit that request to the University of Southern California-Long Beach Think Tank.

So what I got from this episode is that Lorne Michaels really believes that only white guys are funny.

Case in point: the only two new featured players Bill Hader and Andy Samberg. Both white guys! What, you can’t find another minority? Ever thought of hiring an Asian or a Latino on SNL? What about a woman? Afraid she’ll get preggers and have to sit out a couple weeks?

And apparently to be funny you have to have jacked up hair. When is that messy, uncombed look going to finally be over? Hader’s hair looked like a helmet, but it was tons better than the wanna-be fro Samberg was sporting. He looked like Alice from the Dilbert cartoons. But looks aside, I wasn’t that impressed with what I saw. Their “impression-off” on Weekend Update was lame. I mean, at least Hader can do impressions, but the other guy’s “what’s Up” made me want to pull out my .25.

I’ll give them a chance though. It was their first time out. They might get into the swing of things and show me that they are more than the sum of their hair. Then I’ll make my final assessment. I was wrong about Will Forte, I might be wrong about them.

But I’m not wrong about my final point: Horatio Sanz blows! I wish he’d just OD already so they can release his “Best Of” and we can all move along. I don’t think there’s been one sketch I’ve seen him in where he doesn’t break character by cracking himself up. And put him and Jimmy Fallon in a scene and it’s all over. Sanz was awful replacing Tina Fey in Weekend Update. I’m sure it was a clever turn on her part thought; making sure she’d have her chair waiting for her when she gets back. There’s no chance of Horatio replacing her.

So I guess if girls can’t be funny on SNL, they can at least be smart!