The End of the Beginning - or Beginning of the End

I'm now 30. My 20s are dead and gone. I have a whole decade ahead of me. Whatever shall I do with it?

Game On!

I New They Would'nt Forget!

Taco Bell has given me my birthday present early.




This may seriously impede the Leana Beautification Program.

My First Sims Milestone

Mr. Bob Newbie and Ms. Patty Needleman were joined in Holy matrimony on Friday evening, January 27^th at the Needleman home just outside of SimCity. Present were Ms. Needleman’s roommate and sister Daisy and the Needleman’s housekeeper Anna. The couple exchanged relationship points and merged their friends lists.

Ms. Needleman is 24 and a paramedic. She was created by Leana Benson.

Mr. Newbie is 28 and unemployed. He came with the game.

The two will reside in Ms. Needleman’s home and Mr. Newbie will take Ms. Needleman’s last name ‘cause that’s how the game works.

The Biggest Country

Fresh from the AP Wire:

'Biggest Loser' Audition Canceled

Thu Jan 26, 8:36 PM ET

Hundreds of people were turned away Thursday from an open casting call for NBC's hit weight-loss show, "The Biggest Loser," because the venue a restaurant couldn't accommodate the immense crowd.

"Today's San Diego casting call for 'The Biggest Loser' had to be canceled due to the overwhelming response from potential candidates for the show," NBC publicist Joanne Park said.

Approximately 1,500 people waited on the street to enter Dave & Buster's for the audition, police spokesman Dave Cohen said.

Arguments broke out, but no one was arrested, he said.

Messages left for the restaurant's management Thursday were not immediately returned.

This country is just a bunch of fat fucks. And these were just the people who auditioned in San Diego, mutlipy that by hundreds of cities, just in California. I'm not saying I couldn't stand to do a couple sit ups, but these people were in the 300lb range. Even I have more sense than to go on national television and say "hey I'm fat, humiliate me by yelling at me and making me work out!" Not even for $50,000.

Maybe for a million.....hmmmm.....where's the next audition?

Time Flies By

I can't believe it's been 20 years since the Challenger explosion.

I was in 4th grade-Mrs. Williams class. Some of the grades got to watch it on t.v., but not ours. The fifth grade class, taught by crazy Mr. Smith (who's claim to fame was allegedly dangling Jason Kirby out the three story window by his feed), got to watch it.

During our morning break we walked into the hall and all the fifth graders were talking about it, saying the shuttle had blown up. I don't think I actually understood what had happened 'til I got home that afternoon and watched it on television.

Where were you???

Things a 30 Year-old Should Know

Leana: I don’t feel so well.

Travis: What did you have to eat today?

Leana: Cereal.

Travis: With what milk?

Leana: The milk in the fridge.

Travis: The milk that expired on the 14^th?

Leana: I didn’t want to waste it.

Travis: (silence)

Leana: It smelled ok.

Travis: *shakes head

Leana: Don’t judge me!

I Needed Another Distraction

My good buddy Hugh bought me The Sims Deluxe Edition for Christmas. I have never played this type of game before; the last game I think I played was Super Mario Bros.

I waited ‘til last night to actually install it on my PC. It was around 7 p.m. and I didn’t have the energy to do anything else. Cut to 3 a.m. and I was still playing it!

The game is utterly ridiculous and monotonous and tedious. Just like real life. The first family I set up was a mom with two daughters. That was a mistake. One income and three mouths to feed on a cadet’s salary, no way! I couldn’t afford a phone, which might have helped when the mom CAUGHT ON FIRE WHILE COOKING DINNER! I had no way to put her out, or call for help and all the kids did was scream until the Grim Reaper showed up and took the mom. Then all I had was two screaming kids that can’t even order a pizza ‘cause there is no food and the fire is still burning in the kitchen.

Just like real life I turned them off and went to bed.

I hope to have more luck with my next family

Leana, We Knew Her Well

I’ve been sick the last few days. Well, probably the last two weeks, but it was just the past two days that really knocked me on my ass. Achy all over and so very tired.

I slept about 26 hours in hopes of kicking this thing, but with my boyfriend, Typhoid Travis, re-infecting me every time he breathes out I don’t think I’ll ever get better again. We’ll just keep passing it back and forth to one another ‘til our immune systems are so weak that we die from watching a Patrick Swazye movie. I don’t know what that means either!

What Else Would You Expect?

I'm Krusty, who are you? by NoHomers.net

Coincidence?

Put to death this morning: Clarence Ray Allen

The man Allen got to kill three people: Billy Ray Hamilton

The girl who writes this blog: Leana Rae Benson


Spooky

Leana's Reasons Why Not

I can’t help but feel partly responsible for this. I mean, I hadn’t planned to watch the show and it didn’t really interest me, but I guess I could have at least turned on my television that night.

Poor Heather Graham. What will happen to her now? She’s got nothing….no job….no career….oh except she’s got that hot body and all those residual checks from late night cable replays of License to Drive.

greetings from an internet cafe

I´ve stumbled into an internet cafe while checking out downtown puerto vallarta. pardon the lack of caps, but i can´t find the left shift key and apparently there is no question mark on this key board so if i pose a question in this blog i´ll have to just say "here´s a question."
a girl offered me 500 pecos for my crocs. cousin julie, question, was i stupid to turn her down. i would have had to walk back to the hotel without shoes, but i´d have 50 bucks american! i think i was stupid. sigh...

they have an american tv channel down here. i think it´s called the american network. it´s pretty much nbc. they also have the wb, so i was able to watch reba last night. Thank gawd!!!
the trip has been pretty fun thus far. with my trusty 30 proof sunblock i have avoided getting any sun whatsoever. other interesting things from the trip:

• i´ve been offered to get my hair braided by no less than 200 women.
• i´ve drank a year´s worth of tequila.
• the beer here is cheaper than water.
• a cab ride costs as much as a beer.
• beer should be the national currency.
  
  

i will definately be ready to come home tomorrow though...i miss my boyfriend...and cereal....i really miss cereal.

So Much for New Year’s Resolutions

Only two weeks into the New Year and I’m still not writing consistently in my blog. And in a few hours I’m leaving for the airport to spend the rest of the week in Puerto Vallarta for our company’s Winners Circle conference. It’s more fun than work, so I’m excited. Alas I’ll be away from my computer, my cell phone and my boytoy. If anyone needs to get hold of me, try mental telepathy…hey it might work.

See ya!

Shout Out!

In honor of my cousin Julie’s 10 years of living in Los Angeles, I wanted to devote an entire blog entry to her.

Here’s to ten more years Julie!

J is for the jewelry she usually can’t wear ‘cause she’s allergic to metal.

U is for those ugly shoes she wears.

L is for her favorite cousin Leana.

I is for IKEA where she shops.

E is for the place on East Cypress where she used to live.

Howard vs Adam

So I’ve spent the last three days listening to Howard Stern’s replacement on 97.1, Adam Carolla.

Let me start by saying I am an Adam Carolla fan. He was hi-larious on Loveline (the show blows without him now) and was always funny as a guest on Stern or Conway and Steckler.

But I’m not digging on the set up of his new show. I guess I shouldn’t have expected Adam to be in a room by himself talking into a microphone for four hours, but the “morning zoo” like atmosphere is obnoxious.

• First of all, the chick they have doing the news is a dimwit. I’m sure it’s sour grapes on my part, but was it really necessary to make a former Miss Hawaiian Tropics the news person? Radio is for the talented and ugly, not the fabulously gorgeous and vapid. And she must not put any effort into gathering the news, as the stuff she talks about is old, or completely inaccurate.
• Secondly, the guy they have doing sports is a clone of Adam’s. It’s as though Jimmy Kimmel created him in his basement laboratory. He has the same inflection and cadence as Adam, and often uses the same phrases.
• And finally, two words that make me hate this show, “Big Tad.” Big Tad was the perennial intern on Kevin & Bean’s morning show on KROQ forever. He was just such a waste of space. And loud. And not funny.

Howard starts on Sirius on Monday. I don’t have it, but the guy who sits next to me at the office does..and I can pick it up on my headphones. Sorry Adam, but I gotta. Don’t be sad.

Where Has the Time Gone?

January 3rd already? 2006 is just passing me by...must get to work on these New Year's Resolutions. Or maybe I'll just go to bed.

Bone-tastic

How do you suppose drug companies come up with the names of their products? Do you think they sit around a large conference table and throw around ideas ‘til the silver-haired CEO says “that’s it!”

I picture that, plus about five half-empty bottles of liquor and boxes of take-out.

What else could be the excuse for a product named Boniva.

It’s for women fighting osteoporosis. I think the drug companies just took the word Bone and added a bunch of Greek-sounding suffixes ‘til they came up with Boniva?

Creative Guy 1: “Bonestra?”

Creative Guy 2: “Boneaprin?”

Creative Guy 3: “Boneagra?”

Creative Guy 2: “Hey that was my idea before we came up with Viagra, you stole that.”

Creative Guy 3: “Screw you Anderson, you wouldn’t know a good idea if it bit you in the Zicam.”

Grey Haired CEO: “Can we please continue?”

Creative Guy 1: “Bonecam?”

Creative Guy 3: “Oh come on, you just said that ‘cause I mentioned Zicam.”

Creative Guy 1: “I own two Porsches.”

Creative Guy 2: “How about Boniva?”

Grey Haired CEO: “I like it. Now let me get home to my trophy wife.”

It Rained on Our Parade

Cousin Julie remarked on her blog about how she felt sorry for those who attended the Rose Parade today and were soaked in “Storm Watch 2006!!!”

You know what I say to that? Bah Humbug! (A big late, but applicable in this case.)

Year after year people from the cold states watch the Rose Bowl in January and ask themselves “what the hell am I doing freezing my nuts off in (insert cold state here) when I can be out in California where the sun is shining and people are walking around in crocs!”

This is just the impression that has brought so many people out here. (Not including me, I was forced out of my home state and had to take refugee status out here. I’m a political prisoner.)

The sun is great, but I’d rather have it be rainy and be able to drive down the 405 going faster than 15 mph!

The Year That Was

I’ve read a lot of blogs that do a “Year in Review.” I don’t know if it’s my old age or just the ability to repress everything that happens to me, but I was really unable to put together a list of stuff that happened to me this year.

All in all it was a pretty uneventful year for me. I did probably do more gigs this year than ever before, which is great. The momentum continues and I really see me taking another step forward in my career. I’ve had a modicum of success in stand up without putting a great amount of effort into it; so the hope is that actually putting some steam into it will actually help.

So that’s my one resolution; to put maximum effort into stand up. Along with that includes more attention to my writing, my blogs etc. I hope to update my blog daily. If my cousin Julie can do it then so can I! We’ll see how that goes.