MySpace Jumps the Shark!

Hillary Clinton has a MySpace page.

I think it's extremely telling that Bill isn't even in her "Top 8"

Trouble in paradise????

A Dream Realized

An Open Letter to Friday

Dear Friday,

Why does it take you so long to get here? Each week it seems like it takes you longer and longer to show up.

Yet that butthole cousin of yours, Monday, has no problem knocking on my door to say "I'm here bitch, time to pull out your uncomfortable work pants!"

Everyone says that as you get older, time speeds up. I feel that. It seems like just yesterday it was 2003. Interestingly, that's how long ago it feels since I've seen you.

But whatever Friday. I know you're busy and all. It would just be nice if you came by more often- maybe stayed longer than a day before skippin' town and leaving me to hang out with Saturday and Sunday. They're cool guys and all, but they often expect me to do shit I didn't bother to do during the week- like laundry and drinking.

I guess I'll see you sometime tomorrow morning. Just think about what I wrote. Please?

Thanks,

-Leana

This is NOT going in the brochure

I read this interesting article on Yahoo! News today. It states that Native American women and women in Alaska have a 1 in 3 chance of being raped and are 2.5 times more likely to be raped than women in the rest of the country. It also calls Alaska the “Rape Capital of the United States.”

The only part of the article I found trouble with was the report they cited from Amnesty which is titled "Maze of Injustice.”

Come on! Really? Maze? That’s weak. I came up with a couple titles of my own. They are at least as good as what Amnesty came up with. Feel free to send along some of your own.

“Dream Catchers or Nightmare Throwers?”
“Moccasins and the Morning-After Pill”
“Tomahawk of Truth”
“Dances with Rapists”
“Don’t Live in Alaska, it’s Cold and You’ll Get Raped”

I'm on my own worst-dressed list

I was in such a rush to get out of the house today that I didn't have time to change out my purse. I'm wearing black shoes and carrying a brown purse.

I'm so ashamed.

Leana’s Weekend Wrap Up

It’s been awhile since I wrote up one of these. Probably ‘cause it’s been awhile since I had an exciting weekend to write about.

• Facilitated the adoption of a wayward cat: One of the lady’s in my office was trying to find a home for her sister-in-law’s cat. She’d been asking around and had gotten no takers. I e-mailed my buddy Hugh, who’s been talking about wanting to get a cat for a year but has yet to sack up (as my grandma would say.) After several anxious e-mails back and forth, Hugh and the cat were united and they walked off into the sunset together. I don’t want to say I’m a hero, but I guess if you had to give me a title, Angel, would do.
• Walked 16 miles: I know I already blogged about it, but I don’t know if you truly understand how far 16 miles is. It’s like walking the length of a football field 280 times! I won’t mention that fact to the Team in Training coaches, they might actually make us do it.
• Got my oil changed: Well I got my car’s oil changed. My oil is fine.
• Met the boyfriend’s parents: Went out to dinner with Ethan and his parents and actually had a good time. I may have drunk and ate a bit too much, but I managed to not humiliate myself. Word through his family's grapevine is that I made a pretty good first impression. It can only go downhill from here.
• Discovered that I kind of like the taste of wine: I never thought that would happen. Again, it can only go downhill from here.

Why My Feet Hurt

I walked 16 miles today for Team in Training. To give you a visual representation, I grabbed this from Google maps. I walked the length of the beach, down and back. Oh, and I also had to walk to the parking lot to get to my car, and down and back up the stairs to my apartment...that had to add a couple miles to the trek.

This Picture Just Makes Me Smile

A Letter to Dear Abby ( I didn't write it, but it's still funny)

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says "Just some of the girls from work, you don’t know them."

I sometimes stay awake to look for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi at all!

I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely beserk. She snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property, then accused me of spying on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided to park my Harley-Davidson Low-rider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the rear head and rocker arm cover.

So...is this something I can easily repair myself, or do you think I should take it back to the dealer?

I made it myself!

The shootings,coupled with the video I just watched,inspired me to get into my Microsoft Paint and work my creative magic.

I Don't Know What I Expected

I watched part of the video sent to NBC from the Virginia Tech shooter. I was surprised at how ridiculous and oafish he came across. I mean, I wasn't expecting him to come off as one of the greatest orators of our time, but he seriously sounded like half a tard. I only say half 'cause he was obviously able to work a video camera.

His "manifesto" was so weak-sauce. He compared himself to Jesus (like all good nutjobs) and then went on and on about how horribly he'd been treated by someone. (I'm guessing a parent, but I have no degree in sociology or even a retard to English dictionary to reference.) He also rambled on about how he'd been spit on and had his neck cut from ear to ear, which just sounds all kinds of wrong.

I'm giving the video two thumbs down. Unfortunately I have a feeling we're going to see a lot more of it. The only solace I take with me is knowing he's burning in a special wing of hell that even the devil won't walk into.

Guess who is NOT appearing at Tumbleweed's tonight?

Me! The dude overbooked and asked me to reschedule for May 9th. Being the team player I am, I agreed.

So if you were only planning on going to Tumbleweed's in HB to see me tonight, don't. I'll be at some coffee shop near my friend Devin's place talking shop...and drinking copious amounts of caffeine.

I will be at Martini Blues tomorrow night and Sunday night. Come out and say hey!

Do you think they tried to give him the light?

Dave Chappelle was on stage at the Laugh Factory for six hours the other night! Six freakin' hours! The longest set I've ever done was 25 minutes and I almost pulled my hammy stretching for material.

I wasn't there, but I bet he did at least one knock knock joke.

Too Busy Being Happy To Blog

Got nothing to say. So here's a cute picture instead!

The Saddest Thing I've Seen Today

A dropped scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Somewhere, an overweight, bespeckled, sour-smelling 15-year-old boy is crying.

Amazonation

I'm 86 cents away from getting free shipping from Amazon.com.

Here's my conundrum: I'm buying $24.14 in books. If you spend over $25 you qualify for the free shipping. But I don't really NEED anything else. But I also don't want to have to pay $8 in shipping if I can avoid it.

I'm sure, if I thought about it, there's tons of other things I could find to buy on Amazon. Perhaps yet another replacement pitcher for my Mr. Coffee Iced Tea machine that I just received in the mail today.

Top Ten Signs You Aren't the Most Popular Guy in Your High School

What's My Sign?

I believe in fate and destiny and all that crap. I also believe in signs.

Like when I went to the grocery store- after sweating my guts out at the gym tonight- and couldn’t get into the freezer holding the Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup ’cause some old ho was buried in it looking for the last container of Chunky Monkey, I took that as a sign that I shouldn’t be eating ice cream.

Fortunately the Easter candy was on sale and there was absolutely nobody in that isle. I also took that as a sign.

Reason #51,297 Why My Boyfriend is AWESOME

A Photo Essay

Smells Like Irony

It was not 24 hours after I blogged about having to buy a replacement pitcher for my Mr. Coffee Iced Tea Maker that I broke the freakin' switch off the machine. It's useless. So I have a broken iced tea maker and a brand new pitcher!

Now i have to go out and buy another iced tea maker. And I have to buy the same one as before 'cause I have the replacement pitcher. But that iced tea maker is a couple generations old. Iced tea making technologies has advanced light years ahead apparently.

I kind of like that the only thing I have to complain about lately is having to buy a new iced tea machine.

Iowa 101

My fabulously awesome boyfriend has agreed to accompany me back to Iowa this June for my friend Meg's wedding.

I think if you asked Ethan a year ago what state he would never, ever in a million years, even if he had a gun to his head or was dared by his friends visit, he probably wouldn't have even come up with Iowa. I don't think he'd even thought of the state until he met me.

But now he's going to be there, and to help him prepare, I filled out this survey I found on MySpace.

This trip will either dispel all the stereotypes he has of Iowa or confirm them.

01. What town are you from?

Madrid

02. Was yours a consolidated school? (AGWSR, BCLUW, ADM, etc.)

No, they've threatened it for years, but it's never happened!

03. How many people did you graduate with?

27...I’m not counting the three girls that dropped out ‘cause they were ‘in the family way.’

04. Did you grow up on a farm?

no- not EVERYONE in Iowa lives on a farm

05. How close are your closest neighbors?

About 20 feet away.

06. Do you know what is so cool about Brandon, Iowa?

It’s got a wiener?

07. Do you buy ethanol gas?

Everyone should

08. What's your favorite ride at Adventureland?

The Tornado!

09. Hawks or Clones?

I have to go for the Clones, otherwise they’ll take away my diploma

10. Have you ever been to Living History Farms?

On field trips

11. Did you ever go to the Herbert Hoover museum?

No, but for some reason we went to the Mamie Doud Eisenhower
home in Boone.

12. Who is Nile Kinnick?

Must be the dude they named the Hawk’s stadium after.

13. Did you ever get out of school because of the temperature?

Only when the freezing rain started

14. Have you ever been to the Field of Dreams?

Nope. I haven't even seen the movie...or read the book...or the play.

15. Have you ever seen the Bridges of Madison County?

Yeah, I had to take pictures of them when I worked with the Dept. of Transportation.

16. Have you driven down Snake Alley?

Is that anywhere near Diagon Alley where Harry Potter hangs out?

17. What is your favorite lake?

Clear Lake (FYI Clear Lake killed Buddy Holly)

18. What's your favorite "fair food"?

Funnel cake

19. What is your favorite Iowa Attraction?

Prairie Meadows Race Track and Casino

20. Do you know where the Swartzendrubers live?

Probably hiding in shame with a last name like that.

21. Do you know all the counties that border your hometown?

Polk, Dallas, Story

22. What is your favorite Iowa festival?

Does RAGBAI count? I say, yes.

23. What is a Runza?

Some kind of running event?

24. What do you call your carbonated beverages?

I’ve finally been broke of calling it pop. It’s soda now.

25. What do the numbers 180, 280, and 380 mean?

interstates

26. Have you ever detassled for a summer job?

My parents wouldn’t let me.

27. Do you even know what detassling is?

of course. It’s where you separate the weeds away from the beans.

28. Can you tell the difference between hogs and cattle?

I don’t think you really have to be from Iowa to know that.

29. How about just by their smell?

It’s all shit

30. And finally... why do trees in Iowa lean towards Nebraska?

Is that a set up to a joke? Pretty weak.

Spring is in the Air

I saw these at Albertson's this morning and I just had to buy them. They were the only purple ones in the bunch.

Comment Answered

From my earlier post, Anonymous asked...

"When's the cutoff date for donations?"

Why thank you for asking Anonymous. The deadline to submit donations is April 15th. Only a few short weeks from now. But feel free to donate anytime before that!

I'll Just Grab My Ankles Now, Thanks

I had to buy a replacement pitcher for my Mr. Coffee Iced Tea Maker.





















Mr. Coffee should be ashamed of himself. $9 for a replacement pitcher? I might as well just go buy another iced tea maker. But then what do I do with the old machine? Just throw it away? That's just wasteful.

I wonder how Mr.Coffee sleeps at night? Probably on a pile of money and hookers.

I'm Really Training...I Have Proof

I'm deep into training for the Rock-n-Roll Marathon that is a scant two months away. It happens to coincide nicely with my plan to lose 100lbs in time for my friend Meg's wedding.

The fundraising is going well and my company, Laserfiche, has offered to match any money I raise, so if you haven't donated (and you know who you are) please take a moment and do so. Please and thanks.

But for those of you who don't believe I'm going to walk the whole 26.2 miles, check out these photos from the infamous hill training of two weeks ago. If I’m not a marathon walker, then I don’t know who is.

And FYI, I've been back to Signal Hill twice since. Those hills ain't gonna make a bitch outta me!

Walking up the hill with Julie. She commutes from Colorado to Long Beach to work every week. And I used to bitch about my drive from Studio City to Long Beach everyday. Whatever!

Other walking friends, Bianca and Monica. They are only walking the half-marathon so I usually have to take off ahead of them, otherwise it will take me two days to finish the marathon. I don't want to be 'that guy.'

Father's Daze

Keith Richard's says the strangest thing he's tried to put up his nose is HIS FATHER!

I Want a Wiener So Bad!

Aren’t they just the cutest???

A Few Words from our Sponsor

It was a good weekend. I deserved it, after the long-ass week I had to endure. Seriously, I really do think the week was extra long- like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day long. This week better not be as epic.

Just a quick recap of things I learned his weekend:

• I may have to seriously reconsider the world of stand up comedy and my place in it.
• I have about 10 books in my queue to read.
• My CD collection really doesn't extend past 1999.
• The people who answer the phones at Charter Communications also fling their poo at walls.
• I'm tired of bars and loud music.
• I really like sleeping in my boyfriend's bed. Actually, I really like sleeping with my boyfriend. Actually, I think it's that I really love my boyfriend. I didn't just learn that this weekend, but it's worth restating.