My Eye Doctor is Too Hip

I mentioned in a previous blog about my eye doctor calling me dude.

Today I found out that my eye doctor has a MySpace page. Really? Come on. And they're proud of it, they point to it on their public website, saying “We are also the first optometrist on MySpace!”

Eye doctors aren't supposed to be hip and cool. They are supposed to fix your eyes.

The Thing About Being Almost Famous

The part I hate most about inviting co-workers to my gigs: the painful conversations I have to have the morning, or weekend, after the show when they feel they need to explain to me why they didn’t attend.

It’s ok, really. I understand. There’s only so much time in a day or weekend, and some people don’t want to spend it watching stand up. I completely get it. It’s rare that I go out of my way to go see stand up when I’m not performing. Perhaps that speaks volumes about why I’m where I am with the career.

I really prefer not to have the conversation about why they didn’t come. Even with the best of intentions, stuff happens- life comes up. Unless you took me aside the day before and said “save me a seat in the front row, there is no way I’m missing this show,” then you don’t need to explain yourself to me.

And don’t say, “I promise to come to your next show,” or ask “when will you be performing near me?” Which is funny, ‘cause I truly believe that I could be doing stand up in some peoples’ living rooms and they couldn’t be bothered to leave the kitchen to watch me do five minutes of comedy.

Seriously it’s fine, just quit feeling you have to make excuses.

But you should also know, when I’m famous, I’ll step over you like a stanky piece of cheese that fell off some kid’s sandwich.

How to Stalk Leana This Weekend

1) Go to her website. DONE

2) Read her weblog. CHECK

3) Go see her at the It's a Grind in Long Beach on Saturday night!

Photographic Proof

Proof....



...that I actually walked in the San Diego Marathon.












...that I'm cheap...








...no, I mean really cheap!









...that I've seen the sign.













...that I have a job that doesn't require me to wear a paper hat.








...that I have a super-cute boyfriend...who drives...a car he owns.

Phone lines are open

I'm going to buy a new pair of Crocs. The old ones are showing their age. And as we learned from that one episode of Star Trek TNG, when something/someone gets old, you have to kill it...er, put it out to pasture.

But I don't know what color to get. Green is so done! And I was thinking of getting black or brown, but that's so boring and if you are going to go ahead and wear Crocs you are already saying "I'm not conservative." And it's not like I can pass them off as work shoes anyway.

But do I really want to go fuchsia or purple? Can I pull that look off?

I'll let my blogging audience decide.

Pick a color!

Tired.. Can't... Write

I know it's impossible to 'catch up' on sleep, but I'm going to try to do it anyway.

Stuff I need to remember to tell you all about once I'm rested...

• Oakland
• The fuckers at Yellow Cab
• The inaccuracies of the scales in doctors' offices (alt. title: How can my bathroom scale be off by 10 lbs?)
• Condo Association Mob Justice
  

Things a 31 year-old with a hicky can do

• Try on tube tops at the Goodwill
• Donate (read: sell) plasma to pay the babysitter
• Hang out in the park with Tina, Julio and the old dude with the Trans Am
• Keep the stool warm at the end of the bar
• Become an assistant manager at Wal-Mart
  

Why This Show Rules Hard

How I Met Your Mother is one of my favorite shows on right now. If you haven't had a chance to watch it, take this, the beginning of the rerun season, as a time to catch up.

Here's a taste!

This Cartoon is Dedicated to the One I Love

A Boy Named Sue

What is up with all the expectant parents naming their babies before they are even born?

Several of my friends, some as early on as 4 months in, are already telling me what they plan on naming their son or daughter. Doesn’t that take some of the fun out of the whole event? I mean, first you go ahead and find out the gender of the baby, then you go ahead and name it? The delivery is pretty much just a formality then, isn’t it?

And how can you name a person you haven’t even met yet?

How can you decide to name your baby Ronald, when he’s born and looks more like a Chet? Then the rest of his life he’ll feel like something is not quite right. But he won’t know exactly what it is. Instead, he’ll start acting out, playing with dolls, kissing other boys and then he’ll decide, at 19, that it must be because he really should have been born a girl! Then he’ll get the sex change and when the nagging feeling doesn’t go away he’ll start doing drugs and hanging out at truck stops, blowing guys for crack money. When all along, it was just that he should have been named Chet.

I'm not saying don't spend time trying to come up with several names you like for the soon-to-be-born, but when the day comes and Baby crawls out from the abyss, take a look at him or her and then decide on the name. Otherwise your Ronald well end up being Rondalina and that wasn't the name you wanted for him/her either.

The Death of Cool

I was digging through the office supply closet looking for those extra large, lined Post-it notes, on which I could jot down brilliant thoughts about upcoming trade shows and ad placement for 2008, when I happened upon said notepads in a 12 pack. Before I knew what was happening I heard this come out of my very own mouth: “YES!”

I was actually so excited to find a 12-pack of those extra large, lined Post-it notes (multi-colored, not just yellow) that I exclaimed out loud. Loud enough that people in another room could (although they probably didn’t) hear me. I even pumped my left fist into the air. For reals.

I can’t remember the last time something excited me so much that I actually exclaimed out loud and simultaneously pumped my fist.

Even sadder.

Blog This!

I’ve been getting crap from several (read: two) of my readers about my lack of blog updates- especially after my proclamation in a previous blog about blogging every day. Yeah I know, I’m flakey. And if you have been reading my blog for the last two and a half years, you’d already know that.

So starting today I will blog everyday for the next week. Starting taking bets now.

6 Months Down, 720 More to Go!

On the official day of our six month anniversary, I was walking to cure Leukemia and Boyfriend was strolling around Ragin’ Waters watching inappropriately dressed women go down waterslides.

But we made up for it Monday afternoon with dinner and a movie and I got the world’s largest bouquet of roses. Again, if I haven’t mentioned it enough, I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Enquiring Minds Want to Know

I’m back from the marathon. Here’s the short of it. The long of it, I’ll write when I have more time to reflect and when the pain in my feet is long gone. Right now, I’m too exhausted to think.

I finished the Rock-n-Roll Marathon in my own personal best time (as it was the first time I walked a marathon I have no other time to compare it to, thus making it my personal best) of 7 hours and 29 minutes. Interesting, it felt like 12 hours and 36 minutes. Hmmm.

I was the 15,717 person to cross the finish line and the 8,027 woman. My pace was 17:08 m/mile.

The brake down is more impressive; I really, really dogged it the last 7 miles. I think I was going it about 19 m/miles towards the end. I got passed by a woman from the “Little Giant School and Community Center for the Blind.” I ended up passing her eventually, but it was a hollow victory.

My stats:

I walked the 10K in 1 hour and 38 minutes

I walked the half in 3 hours and 30 minutes

I was at the 21 mile mark at 5 hours and 54 minutes.

In comparison, the first place finisher did the entire marathon in 2 hours and 9 minutes. He had a 5 minute pace. I’m only guessing, but the guy also has zero percent body fat and runs to forget the pain of his childhood.

More to come….

My Last Blog Post

This will be my last blog post...as a non-marathoner. Tomorrow morning I leave for San Diego and Sunday morning I will be participating in the San Diego Rock-n-Roll Marathon. I'm walking 26.2 freakin' miles!

I can't believe it's been four months since I first met with the group I would train with every Saturday morning and help to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society.

Four months later, 35 pounds lighter, with way more endurance and over $3,600 raised.....it's almost over. I'm mostly excited but partly terrified. I'm worried I won't be able to finish. I'm nervous that I won't be able to keep up the pace. I'm worried I'll puke my guts out.

But I have to believe that the training I've put in, the motivation I'll receive from my teammates this weekend and the well wishes and encouragement I've received from my friends, co-workers and family over the last few months will be enough to get me through the pain.

So the next time I post I'll be marathoner.