The Thing About Being Almost Famous

The part I hate most about inviting co-workers to my gigs: the painful conversations I have to have the morning, or weekend, after the show when they feel they need to explain to me why they didn’t attend.

It’s ok, really. I understand. There’s only so much time in a day or weekend, and some people don’t want to spend it watching stand up. I completely get it. It’s rare that I go out of my way to go see stand up when I’m not performing. Perhaps that speaks volumes about why I’m where I am with the career.

I really prefer not to have the conversation about why they didn’t come. Even with the best of intentions, stuff happens- life comes up. Unless you took me aside the day before and said “save me a seat in the front row, there is no way I’m missing this show,” then you don’t need to explain yourself to me.

And don’t say, “I promise to come to your next show,” or ask “when will you be performing near me?” Which is funny, ‘cause I truly believe that I could be doing stand up in some peoples’ living rooms and they couldn’t be bothered to leave the kitchen to watch me do five minutes of comedy.

Seriously it’s fine, just quit feeling you have to make excuses.

But you should also know, when I’m famous, I’ll step over you like a stanky piece of cheese that fell off some kid’s sandwich.