I See Poor People

I made the number one mistake in shopping this evening: I went to Wal-Mart. Gawd that place sucks the big one. Even the parking lot is shitty.

But it was closer than Target and I was on a mission for a cheap sewing machine to mend all my workout pants. For some reason I’m always ripping them at the inseam. Am I sharing too much?

But I digress. Wal-Mart is just foul. The people that shop there; the people that work there; the merchandise. It seems more like a third world country than a shopping establishment. I felt overdressed in there and I had just come from my ‘Jump, Pump "N" Jab' class at the Long Beach Parks and Recs Center. I was wearing my grossest workout gear and covered in dried sweat and shame.

It was so awful in there that I had hoped to see some humanitarian aid come in and take care of the huddled masses around the automotive section. Where’s Wal-Mart’s Live Aid! Apparently they don’t take all the money they aren’t paying their employees and put it back into the actual physical building. And their products are pretty crappy. I have no faith that the $12.95 I threw down for the Wal-Mart-brand, pink, mini sewing machine will work.

But at least I didn’t get diphtheria. or The Hep. At least I hope I didn't...

To Be Continued...

Don't Call Me Powder

It seems those bastards at Max Factor no longer deem it necessary to make my shade of foundation. What do they expect us albinos to do without the proper foundation?

Now the search begins again for the perfect foundation. It’s better this way really. It was already becoming near impossible to find any drug store or department store that even carried Max Factor. Wal Mart’s the only place I could ever find it for the longest time (and we all know my feelings about Wal Mart). Now, even they aren’t carrying #3 Light Champaign.

Then there’s the whole thing about the heir to the Max Factor fortune being a rapist. I can’t get behind that, no matter how fabulous it makes my skin look.

Things a 31 year-old with a hicky can do

• Try on tube tops at the Goodwill
• Donate (read: sell) plasma to pay the babysitter
• Hang out in the park with Tina, Julio and the old dude with the Trans Am
• Keep the stool warm at the end of the bar
• Become an assistant manager at Wal-Mart
  

Screw That!

I spent twenty minutes trying to get that fuckin' $12.95 sewing machine to do even one stitch. I forgot how much I hate sewing. The thread kept coming out of the needle.

So fuck it. I'll just take my stupid track pants to the dry cleaners. They do mending too.

My mom would be sooooo ashamed of me.

Now I have to either eat the $12.95 or go back to Wal-Mart. I don't know if my immune system can take another visit.