Where There's a Will

I just wrote out my will, that’s always fun. I’ve been putting it off and putting it off, but I realized I have to have one, now that I’m a homeowner. I don’t want the State of California to have my house, they’ll just give it to some illegal aliens to live in.

It was really sad writing it out, not ‘cause of the whole dealing with my mortality crap, but because I really have nothing. I was divvying up my worldly positions and decided that most of it’s crap. Who’s going to want my bear collection or my 3,935 candles? Nobody, that’s who! I had three or four things that I knew friends and family would want, but the rest I directed to be given to charity or put in a wood chipper.

However, I do have a little money so I decided to have some fun. I created a Rat Race, Cannonball Run-esque type event in my will, where the winner will get the remains of my 401k. I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but the event includes a llama, pink togas and route 66. I just know it’s going to be a blast-not for my friends and family, but for me, laughing maniacally up in Heaven with JFK Jr., Abraham Lincoln and my dogs Macy and Smokey.