I'm Scared of Cookies

Stories like this chap my banana. I picture this old bag looking like a cross between Elmira Gulch and the Wicked Witch of the West. (I want someone to comment on what is wrong with that coupling???)

This is the reason people don't do nice things for other people. This is the reason people don't say hello to one another on the street. This is the reason people get beat with socks full of soap in prison.

When I was 8, I bagged up several hands-full of Cheetos with notes saying "I love you" and put them in all my neighbors' mailboxes. Afterwards I realized I hadn't put my name on the note. Much later I realized how terribly creepy it all was. But none of my neighbors sued me over it. Of course they probably knew my dad collected guns.

The good part about this story is knowing that this woman is going to wind up old and alone and known as the “Cranky old lady.” Children will ride past her house on their bikes saying, "That’s the crazy woman who sues." Plus she'll probably get tons of "ding dong ditches" over the next 40 years, and I'm pretty sure she'll be visited by the Ghosts of the Christmases Past, Present and Future.

Shame on you Renea Young, shame, shame, shame!!!