Clair Del's Most Wanted
I was listing to Conway and Steckler on 97.1 tonight. They were talking about the whole Michael Jackson circus and how nowadays adults have to be so careful around children, for fear they may be wrongly accused of molestation. One of the callers was talking about Megan’s Law and the sex offender registry.
That got me to thinking. I went to the California registry and I found out I HAVE A SEX OFFENDER NEXT DOOR TO ME!!! WTF?? Next door. To me! Where I live. And it’s the only listed sex offender within 20 miles. What luck. Now I know how sometimes crimes sound worse than what they really are, so I looked up the specific offences and converted them to English.
1) f288(c)(1) LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS WITH CHILD 14 OR 15 YEARS OLD. This is a sexual act with a person under 15. Ok, maybe he was 18 and his girlfriend was 15.
2) 288(a) LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS WITH CHILD UNDER 14 YEARS. This is any touching of a child, less than 14. in a sexual manner. Um, yeah, there goes that theory. Maybe it was a misunderstanding.
3) 288(b) LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS WITH CHILD UNDER 14 YEARS W/FORCE. This is oral sex with a minor with force. Ok, you can't misunderstand forced oral sex.
4) 288(c)(1) LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS WITH CHILD 14 OR 15 YEARS OLD. This is oral sex with a minor if the person is under 14 and the defendant is 10 or more years older than the defendant. That freakin' piece of shit, baby raper!
5) f243.4(a) SEXUAL BATTERY. This is just what it sounds like, beating someone. Where's my pitchfork and torch? I just had it.
I hit the sex offender jackpot! Actually, it looks like this guy probably committed this crime on one child and received a bunch of charges. Or maybe not. I don’t know. It doesn't matter, he's still slim.
Is it awful that I feel a bit better knowing he doesn’t rape adults, just kids? Yes that’s awful. I take it back.
I can’t say I’m surprised that there’s a sex offender on my block. I bet if there was a way to do a search on all the convicted drug dealers and petty thieves on my cul de sac I’d have to spend three days just looking through all the listings.
Either way I’m glad I have my gun. I must go polish it, set up the trip wire and release the hounds.
That got me to thinking. I went to the California registry and I found out I HAVE A SEX OFFENDER NEXT DOOR TO ME!!! WTF?? Next door. To me! Where I live. And it’s the only listed sex offender within 20 miles. What luck. Now I know how sometimes crimes sound worse than what they really are, so I looked up the specific offences and converted them to English.
1) f288(c)(1) LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS WITH CHILD 14 OR 15 YEARS OLD. This is a sexual act with a person under 15. Ok, maybe he was 18 and his girlfriend was 15.
2) 288(a) LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS WITH CHILD UNDER 14 YEARS. This is any touching of a child, less than 14. in a sexual manner. Um, yeah, there goes that theory. Maybe it was a misunderstanding.
3) 288(b) LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS WITH CHILD UNDER 14 YEARS W/FORCE. This is oral sex with a minor with force. Ok, you can't misunderstand forced oral sex.
4) 288(c)(1) LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS WITH CHILD 14 OR 15 YEARS OLD. This is oral sex with a minor if the person is under 14 and the defendant is 10 or more years older than the defendant. That freakin' piece of shit, baby raper!
5) f243.4(a) SEXUAL BATTERY. This is just what it sounds like, beating someone. Where's my pitchfork and torch? I just had it.
I hit the sex offender jackpot! Actually, it looks like this guy probably committed this crime on one child and received a bunch of charges. Or maybe not. I don’t know. It doesn't matter, he's still slim.
Is it awful that I feel a bit better knowing he doesn’t rape adults, just kids? Yes that’s awful. I take it back.
I can’t say I’m surprised that there’s a sex offender on my block. I bet if there was a way to do a search on all the convicted drug dealers and petty thieves on my cul de sac I’d have to spend three days just looking through all the listings.
Either way I’m glad I have my gun. I must go polish it, set up the trip wire and release the hounds.
1 Comments:
At 10:58 AM,
SeriouslyNoWay said…
Oh My Word! Dude, there's a guy who is listed in my area of Burbank who lives on the same street as an elementary school! A school people! Isn't there some sort of law against that? Slimy bastard! Then there's an old man who lives like a block away from me. Gah! That's disgusting!
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