Thinking Ahead

Boyfriend and I were discussing burial versus cremation the other night (‘cause we’re kinky like that yo.) When I was younger I never really thought about it- seeing as young people are invincible and never die. As I got older and had to start dealing with the death of extended family and the old, diabetic neighbor next door, I just naturally assumed I’d be buried like them.

Now, as an adult, I’ve been considering cremation. It’s so much simpler.- just light a match. To be contrary I said to Boyfriend, “I don’t want to be cremated, what if I’m not really dead and I get burned alive?” To which he replied, “and it would be better to be buried alive under 6 feet of dirt?!?”

Excellent point. I’m about 100% sure that people who are declared dead in the United States, embalmed and buried or burned, are indeed dead. I think, when I take into account my own personal beliefs and faith, it all comes down to whether or not I want to be a brain eating zombie.

Part of me wouldn’t mind rising with the army of undead and wreaking havoc on the poor, unfortunate landlocked living. You can’t go around snacking on brains if you’re a pile of sand. Unless of course I can somehow reconfigure myself into some kind of sand creature, but even then I don’t think I’d have the brain eating implements needed.

But do I really want to be a walking meat puppet? I mean, sure it would be something new, and I‘m always willing to try anything once, but I’m also really high-maintenance when it comes to my hair. I’m sure my hair would be all dry and flat and impossible to tame. I just really don’t want people looking at me as I crawl down the street, dragging my rotten corpse along behind me, and think “gawd, she’s really let herself go.”

So I’m definitely going with the cremation.