Stories from the Eye Doctor

There was this old, old, old lady at the eye doctor today. She was all gray-haired with big glasses and huge gangly earrings and a green floral muumuu. She was complaining about the temperature and how long it was taking the doctor to see her and the price of tea in China. The other people in the waiting room, and the receptionist, were all shaking their heads and saying stuff like “that sassy, old woman,” and “she’s a scream!”

I thought, ‘When do I get to be old enough that I can be a total bitch in public and nobody comes up and kicks me in the gut? When do I get to wear a shapeless muumuu and comfortable shoes? When do I get to gain 300 lbs?”

My working estimate…in another 6 months!