Rover, You're Dead Meat

I walked out to my car this morning to find that a dog had crapped in front of my garage door. What the hell? It was left right near the door handle. It couldn’t have been better situated if the dog had actually aimed.

Which brings me to only one possible conclusion: the dog did it on purpose. I have to believe this phantom dog is the same one that befouled my flower box, not once but twice, last summer. I mean, come on, why would a dog climb up to the second floor to take a crap? That’s right, only if the dog is trying to teach me a lesson. Which I totally don’t get. Is the lesson that flowers don’t belong in boxes or that I can never have anything nice in my life? No wait, that was my brother’s lesson to me.

I’m afraid this most recent "message" is just another threatening piece of vandalism left by some dog that has it out for me. But let’s not get it twisted; I am ready for this dog. This bitch (or whatever you call a boy dog) doesn’t know what horror it’s unleashed. I won’t go out like a punk! I won’t be driven out of my ghetto-horrid neighborhood because of some dog crap. This dog will have to seriously bring it! Game on.