An Open Letter to Pedestrians

I concede to the fact that pedestrians have the right-of-way. I understand that people need to walk, in fact, often times I have to walk. I also know that walking is for sidewalks and pedestrians should STAY THE FUCK ON THEM.

Every once in a while a pedestrian will have to cross a street to get to another sidewalk, I know that. The world isn’t one long sidewalk, you know. But the streets are for cars to drive on, not for people to hang out on.

So when you have to cross the street, shake your ass. Get from one side to the other in as fast and efficient a time as possible. Cross straight across, don’t meander, don’t saunter, don’t dally, for Gawd’s sake, don’t dally. And hey, when you see a car coming, how about you shake it even faster. Don’t assume that the car will simply stop for you because you’re a pedestrian. And don’t stare at the fuckin’ car as if to say, “You’re going to slow down, ‘cause I’m too important to kick it into gear.”

So the next time you get to walking, remember what I’ve said..and shake it!